This Is Just Between Us

Today is just not my day

(art by my pumpkin crowsong on YouTube, Tumblr, and Wattpad {Rainbowstar772} )
Russia pov
(TW: self harm and abuse)

On my way back to my dorm I could tell someone was directly behind me.
Israel:"HOW DARE YOU UP AND LEAVE ME STRANDED ON OUR DATE!"
I heard my girlfriend yell before pushing me into the wall, causing my head to bleed a bit.
Russia:"Baby you got to understand that my friend literally gave birth. I also had to drop my friend Indonesia off for a date, drop Nazi off for a date, pick up a bunch of minors and speed to a-"
She then kicked me in the gut.
Israel:"I should be your main focus. ME! AND ONLY ME!"
I went to stand up as I had fallen due to the kick sending me to the ground, but she stepped on me to hold me down.
Israel:"Have you forgotten who would actually care if you killed yourself? Who would cry if you were murdered? Who actually forgives you for being the cause of your mother's death? Who actually loves you?"
I shake my head.
Russia:"No... but you're not the only one, Cuba and the-"
Israel laughed.
Israel:"Oh Russia, they're just using you for power! You're stronger than Singapore and Cuba is just a territory... The rest are just humans! All they want is your power, my sweet sweet love!"
Russia:"But he doesn't.... You're right."
Although, I don't fully believe her when it comes to Cuba. He's been by my side since I was two and she's been by side since I was 16.
Do that math, Cuba has been with me basically my whole life 18 land people years which is 108 human years and Israel has been with me for 4 land people years which is 24 human years, 84 human years difference and 14 land people year difference.
You'd think I wouldn't believe her when it comes to my family but.... I know they don't forgive me.
I could've done something... but I didn't, just like what he and Israel say, I'm nothing but a worthless wuss and a crybaby.
She finally took her foot off me and we went back to my dorm.
The first thing I do is go to my bathroom and roll up my sleeves... it has been 5 days since I haven't done this, a record since I started dating her, America took me away from the torment for a little while... but she's back to fully remind me of how little people care about me and how I'm nothing to anyone but her and Cuba.
Digging in my pocket I take out my pocket knife, looking at the dry blood on it.
I put the slightly warm blade due to being in my pocket and put it to my arm and move the blade down...
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
I was starting to count each bleeding wound when I started getting light headed due to the blood loss.
I sigh and wash and dry my pocket knife before putting it back into my pocket and going to dump rubbing alcohol on the cuts and wrapping them in bandages.
I clean the blood off the floor as much as possible.
Throwing the bloody paper towels in the trash I walk out and see an annoyed Israel.
Israel:"Again? Ugh, stop cutting yourself! It's pathetic and messy."
I sigh and roll my sleeves back down.
Russia:"Sorry.... I won't do it again."
Israel:"You said that last time, yet here you are, making a fucking mess in the bathroom because you want attention!"
Russia:"Israel I'm sorry!"
Israel:"SHUT UP! I am the only person who would care if you died, but I wouldn't care that much. Because you're nothing but an attention seeking worthless shit!"
I could feel the tears starting to roll down my cheeks.
Israel:"Ugh, now you're crying? Man up will you? I don't want to be dating a crybaby."
I sigh and wipe away the tears and go to take a drink of strong vodka, but first I test it for drugs, non.
I start chugging the drink and feel a sense of relief rush through me for the 2nd time.
Once I'm drunk and I see Israel leave to go spend the night at Palatine's house, I lay in my bed and go to sleep.

The next morning

I wake up with my wrists and arms hurting...
Right, cut myself yesterday.
I have 30ish minutes to get ready, so I best clean up my arm properly by taking a shower.
So I do, my arm is swollen and bruised due to the cuts, I've never been one for shallow cuts... they're always deep.
Washing my arm kinda hurt a bit seeing how my wounds were still somewhat open, plus the crazy amount of bruises and how it hurts when I touch the swollen parts.
Getting out, I take out what was one white towel but is now red because I had to dye it so people wouldn't catch on to what I've been doing to dry myself off.
Starting with the arms, I dry them off and wrap bandages around them again.
I dry the rest of my body and get dressed, brushing my hair that is covered with split ends and is kinda dry.
I've never been one for hair care, it's a girly thing, at least that's what Israel says.
Then again, my family has never been the type of family to care about our hair.
Just keep it clean so lice don't find a comfy home in it and call it a day, sometimes I forget to brush my hair. When I do it gets all ratty and then I have to call Belarus to get some leave-in conditioner to help me brush and untangle my hair.... So I've decided to just always brush it.
It's embarrassing having to call a high schooler to help me when I'm being a lazy idiot.
But then again I do it all the time-
I walk out of my room and make myself some pancakes! I add vodka, cranberry to be specific!
As I cook them I get a call from America.
I put him on speaker as I'm cooking.
Russia:"Hey Teddy bear! What's up?"
America:"You're calling me that over the phone?"
Russia:"I'm not in front of the states am I?"
America:"You're not because I'm on my way to the parking lot at our college, I wanted to ask if you wanted to maybe... walk to classes with me?"
Russia:"Hell yeah! It'll keep me away from Israel too, me and her had a pretty bad argument, but it's reasonable. It was about me up and leaving during the middle of our date."
America:"Sorry to hear that, I hope everything is ok."
I look down at my arm and swallow the truth.
Russia:"Oh yeah everything is ok, I just think me and her need to be apart today. I'm making pancakes, wanna come over and at least have one? I made them with cranberry vodka! Although if you don't want to that's cool, either way we should probably meet up at my dorm. My room number is 6769."
America:" I'll have one, and I'll meet you there!"
And like that, he hung up, he's still got that adorable voice that I was desperately in love with, he's as cute and as curvy- no. He's gotten way more curvy! But he's still as cute as he was in middle and highschool, he still gives me butterflies even though I have a girlfriend... I shouldn't get butterflies around him but I do.
Like every relationship I've had, my love for him will always linger somewhat, but I'm in a happy relationship with Israel! My love for him is fairly weak, but it's still there...
I put my fingers to my lips as I put the last pancake on a plate....
I can't help but to keep remembering what happened the last two times we drank together.
His lips are soft, his skin is soft, his hair is thick and fluffy... like freshly made bread dough, he's so small and oh so fun to hold!
I'm glad I'm friends with him- wait...
He's trying to be a doctor... WHAT IF HE- OH SHIT SHIT SHIT!
I then hear a knock on the door, I'll just say I got drunk and damaged my arm! Yeah that'll work!
I went to open the door and see him there, he was smiling till he noticed my arm.
America:"Sit down on a chair. I need to investigate."
Russia:"Last night I was drunk, I wasn't fully stable so I got hurt from falling, but I'm fine!"
America:"I'm a future medical professional, you can't lie to me about this."
Russia:"Can we eat some pancakes first! I just made them and they're filling my dorm with their delicious smell!"
America walked in and sighed.
America:"Fine- oh my, you weren't kidding! This place smell like a rich breakfast restaurant."
Russia:"Learnt from the best, my dad and my mom! Plus my grandma, Panama, and Sally's dad! Although I wasn't sure why... he was putting uhm...drugs, lots and lots of drugs... now that I think of it he might have just been teaching me how to make edibles for Sally."
America:"Uhm..."
Russia:"Oh- right, you probably don't know what-"
America:"No I do, both my mom, Canada, and Brazil eat edibles."
Russia:"Wait France eats-"
America:"Just the weed ones, but even then it's a mess. She uhm... she-"
Russia:"Summon random shit and uses her powers to cause problems?"
America:"How do you-"
Russia:"I've witnessed Canada when high, my bedroom was full of pancake mix. Not in boxes or in bags, just pure pancake mix. She also looked like a child got ahold of a barbie doll and moved the doll's limbs in all kinds of detections. She was looking like an L trying to do the wave."
America:"Right, Canada, you know her."
I nod and give him a small pancake pouring a mixture of honey, lemon vodka, and a small bit of cornstarch all cooked together to make a syrup type liquid on top of his pancake.
He takes a bite and makes a very pleased muffle as he eats the pancake.
America:" What on earth did you put in these pancakes to make them so sweet and what is this syrup? I could use this for my baking!"
Russia:"I replace white sugar with brown sugar when it comes to pancakes! If a recipe requires brown and white sugar, the brown sugar gets changed for honey or agave nectar, and sometimes monk fruit sugar. I also use oat milk! The rest is a secret!"
America:"I- ok what about this syrup?"
Russia:"Lemon vodka, honey, and cornstarch."
America:"Thanks! Now that we're done eating... you're getting a check up."
Russia:"Nooooo!"
He sat me down on my bed and sighed.
Russia:"Going into the doctor zone? Putting your mind into the ancestors of doctors?"
America:"Shut up, I'm going to get a chance to practice a simple check up tomorrow at a doctor's office so I need to prepare myself for doctor mode."
I snort.
America cleared his throat and sighed.
America:"Are you comfortable taking off your shirt for me?"
Russia:"Why...."
I asked, kinda scared.... I know he won't try anything but...
America:"If you feel uncomfortable I can just handle the arm, although I'd like to see if you have any other injuries."
Russia:"Do you promise to stop if I feel uncomfortable or not safe?"
America nodded.
Russia:"I'm going to have my pocket knife on hand... I know I can trust you but...."
America:"Whatever makes you feel more comfortable with what I'm doing."
I nod and take off my shirt, gripping my pocket knife tightly.
America was tinted before looking horrified.
Russia:"What? Are you telling me you don't have scars from the 100s of wars you've been through, plus both world wars?"
America:"I can tell the difference between battle scars, abuse scars, and self harm. Russia..."
Russia:"I don't want to get into it..."
He sighed and dug into his backpack, pulling out all kinds of things that I have no clue of what they're called, but I personally couldn't care less about what each thingamabob and do da is called.
The first thing he went to was my arm...
America:"Christ Russia.... Your arm... have deep..."
Russia:"Just heal it so we never have to talk about this ever again."
America:"No, once I'm done healing this I'm going to go to the other wounds on your body and then set up a therapy appointment with Massachusetts."
I groan as I watch him heal my arm, then going to one wound to another.
Then we hear the door open.
Israel:"Russia! What's going on here?!"
Russia:"Baby chill, he's just healing the wounds I got from.... War."
I said shooting America a glare.
America:"Yeah, I have no romantic interest in your boyfriend whatsoever."
I see Israel give me a deadly look.
Israel:"Oh! Thank you America! It's such a pain to get him to go to the doctor..."
America:"Fake asinum bitch(Fake ass bitch)" {Latin. I'm trying crowsong.}
I give a confused look.
America:"Nothing. All healed up."
Israel:"Thanks! Come on-"
America:"Come on Russia, we're going to be late to class."
Russia:"Coming stilettos!"
I put my shirt back on and ran after him as I put my pocket knife back into my pocket.
Once we made it to class- we didn't fully know what to do... our professor is under house arrest for now and this is the class we had with Timor-Leste....
Cuba:"Kinda creepy huh?"
America:"Yeah..."
Russia:"More unsettling than creepy. The tension is like 2 levels below the tension I felt when my mom-"
Israel:"RUSSIA!"
Russia:"God fucking damnit..."
Israel:"Russia! Why did you abandon me.... Don't you love me?"
San Marino:" Damn, ditching on your own girlfriend? Low, very very low."
America:"Ugh, we said we'd walk to classes together. He and I are really good friends now and my kids adore him."
Russia:"Some also see me as a second father, one of them I actually am her second father."
San Marino:"That's funny, how much did he pay you, America?"
America:"Is this what it felt like when I asked Israel-"
Russia:"Yeah it is."
San Marino:"Come on, no need to be ashamed, you have 50 kids which means you need as much money as you can get."
Russia:"Does spoiling the states as if they're my kids too count as payment? Speaking of which, can I come over today? I want to see the states again and have some more quality time with just you."
America:"You just want to get drunk with Alaska."
Russia:"Maybe-"
He facepalmed and after a bit of bickering our class was over and we booked it to our next class.
Russia:"Oh look! Bhutan! Hey Bhu-"
Bhutan:"I honestly don't care about Russia, he just gives me money whenever I ask and doesn't question it."
Ireland:"Smart- oh shit."
Bhutan turns around and sees me.
America:"Woooooow, fake friend, it's ok Russia..."
We went to sit down, away from Bhutan.
Russia:"Isn't this where Lichtstein sat..."
That made us change seats again, out of respect.
That class was a nightmare to behold.
Our next class was better, Ukraine and Canada are here.
I run up to them, America slowly following behind as I'm far faster than him.
Ukraine:"Rus- I mean Russia!"
Russia:"Me and America are chill, remember? You can keep calling me-"
Ukraine:"Russy!"
America:"Russy?"
Russia:"Yeah, he'd call me that when we were younger and he just never stopped."
Ukraine:"Belarus would call him 'Rus the vodka boss' "
Russia:"And she called you a loveable mistake."
Ukraine:"You call me that too-"
Russia:"I also call you maple fucker."
I see Canada smirk as Ukraine goes red.
I go and sit next to Ukraine and America sat by Canada.
Russia:"Say, how's Kazzy been doing? Haven't seen him in a long while."
Ukraine:"He's fine, Kaz is usually at wood carving classes when you come over."
Russia:"I'm proud of him."
Ukraine:"Me too!"
America:"Speaking of youngest siblings, has the-"
Canada:"The mistake is still alive."
Russia:"Oh come on! I'm not even related to you guys and I hate him"
America:"Why?"
Ukraine+Russia:" He asked if our mom just left us for another man."
Canada:"I was so tempted to cut his head off!"
Russia:"Syrup bitch calm down, no axe murdering please-"
America:"You call Nada 'syrup b word' ?"
Russia:"Yup! She's my friend and my possible future sister in law!"
I see Canada go red.
Canada:"We've only been dating since middle school!"
America:"That honestly seems long enough to be married, but take your time."
Russia:"Exactly, if you're not ready, no one should push it. It's your life, your choice. Although I suggest you use protection before America and I become uncles."
Canada:"No. I'd rather be pregnant than use protection!"
America:"What's protection?"
America said giving me a 'shut the fuck up already' glare.
So I do.
Canada:"Not around my brother, he doesn't know shit about what uhm... you know is."
Russia:"Oh, my bad-"
Why doesn't America want Canada and Ukraine to know that he knows what sex is?
Whatever.
I fall asleep in class and wake up to America trying to keep Canada away so she doesn't pour...
Russia:" Is that- is that dog piss?"
Canada:"Nope! Raccoon piss!"
Ukraine:"And she was about to pour it in your head, so I knocked the FIRST CUP out of her hand which is why I smell horrid and now America is trying to keep the other cup."
Russia:"GREAT GOD! Ugh! Ukraine. Go home and take a shower. I'll clean your shit and Canada, I'm no longer making you edibles."
Canada:"Damnit!"
She said spilling the piss on America.
America then threw up on the floor.
America:"Ugh! I'm going home-"
Russia:"Just go to my dorm, here's my key, wash it after you're done. You can use one of my hoodies for a shirt and possibly pants because uhm... you're tiny."
America:"Thank you Russia."