This Is Just Between Us

ha! 69 (⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)

Russia pov
(art by my pumpkin crowsong on YouTube, Tumblr, and Wattpad {Rainbowstar772} )

Sam:"So uh.... Is this a new thing or?"
Russia:"Actually no. I always knew I wasn't like the other kids, like I looked and acted like them but something was wrong, very very very wrong. I liked seeing animals in pain, I'd sit down and watch prey animals get mutilated by predator animals. It was beautiful to me... one day my mom caught me watching once and panicked. She picked me up and started carrying me away, I bawled my eyes out saying ''Mama! I want to watch!' over and over again, she got worried and brought it up to my dad who took me to my uncle Britain. Uncle Britain saw nothing wrong along with Aunt France, but then again, they're serial killers themselves so why would they see anything wrong?"
I laughed to myself as memories came flooding back
Sam:"Is that all?"
I shook my head and looked down, forming a small smile.
Russia:"As I grew older I'd find dead animals and 'play' with their bodies, ripping off limbs, crushing their bodies, but I'd never damage their head. Their lifeless eyes were quite a beauty... eventually I started to kill animals for fun, stabbing over and over and over again, all just because I wanted to see their dead faces. I'd come home covered in blood and my parents would freak out thinking I was hurt. Once I was a teen things got more violent, I'd nail the body parts of animals to different sized wooden planks that I hid under my bed. I'd torture them... hearing their whimpers, their cries of pain, the fresh red blood on my hands, and my personal favorite, watching the life drain out of their eyes before I'd cut their heads off and burn them so I could put the ashes in a jar. The ashes, just like the decapitated heads, were a Beauty I wanted more and more off. Eventually my father caught me and stopped me, taking the animal to a vet. I was angry the whole ride through, that day I.... I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill humans... land people, cities, nekos, avians, I knew they could talk and scream.... Their screams were something I'd daydream about. I never had a place to hide the bodies though... if I did? Hehehehe..... so so so many students would've gone missing. Every person I'd beat, I'd imagine their screams of pain as I slowly cut them open while enjoying the warm red liquid on me. Other than America.... I love him, I'd never do such a thing to him, but I'm willing to do such a thing FOR him."
I laughed a bit but the others didn't.
Cuba:"I already knew all of this, living things were just toys in his mind, other than those who he cares about. Other than his father."
Russia:"He left us WITH AN ABUSIVE MAN WHO ALMOST KILLED ME! You expect my father not to be an exception? As much as I care about him, he will always be better off dead. But I know plenty of people care about him, so I won't. It'd make me more of a monster than I already am. But if I did... I'd put his head ash in a jar and a small bottle that'd I carry with me! But I'm not going to, I love him, even with all the bullshit he caused. He is my dad, the only parent I have... mom's probably proud of me for remembering that she and my siblings all loved him and that I continue to love him-"
Cuba:"Your mom didn't love your dad."
I turned to Cuba wide eyed.
Russia;"Wh-what...."
Cuba:"Back when we were 8, I overheard my mom talking to your mom. Your mom loved you, yes she did, but you and your siblings were just extra steps in her plan to eat your father."
Russia:"She didn't actually want us?!"
Cuba:"She did, just not for family reasons AT FIRST, apparently when she first held you something inside her mind changed, she loved you she really did but you weren't wanted to start a family originally. She had your brother because she wanted another child, it was originally meant to be just you. Then she had your other siblings, before dying... did you ever figure out who-"
Russia:"I'm pretty sure it was Nazi. He was always jealous of my mother... he loves my dad and now they're seeing each other. My dad seems happier in that relationship than he was with my mom and he was pretty damn happy."
I sigh and we continue to clean my mess, burning the head to put the ashes in a labeled jar.
Once that's over I got to my dorm as there's something I need from there.
First thing I hear when I walk in is a tsk.
Israel:"Finally remember I exist?"
Russia:"What is it now?"
Israel:"Don't you get an attitude with me, your pathetic heart wouldn't be able to take my anger, unlike your physical body. You know. Everyone's favorite toy?"
I hug myself trying to forget those awful times when past partners would gaslight me into saying yes.... It wasn't nice.
Israel:"You let it happen, it's your fault. You were fully aware of what they were doing, and you still listened."
Russia:"My father was emotionally absent and my mother is dead, they were the only one's saying they loved me.... I didn't want to make them upset, causing them to leave..."
Israel:"But they still did, because you meant nothing to them. You were and still are just a fleshy toy no one actually cares about, not even your family. You constantly scolded them, push them away, hell you put the responsibility of Belarus and Kazakhstan on Ukraine because you were too busy being a fucking loser who never stopped working and constantly needs validation from others."
Russia:"My dad was injured, he couldn't get a job! I had to work two jobs, one I got fired from all so I can keep a roof over my siblings heads and keep food on the table! I couldn't afford a babysitter! I had no choice but to leave him with the two..."
Israel:"And you doing nothing but pushing them away constantly?"
I started crying, I didn't want them to constantly see me in a state of stress, the blood and scars on my arms, my stress relief of alcoholism, harming animals, and this one time I took an edible from my friend Sally. I was a wreck...
Russia:"I just didn't want them to see the emotional and mental wreck I was at the time! I did it for their safety! I just wanted them to be happy and to never have to live with fear again. I did what I could! I was only a teen!"
Israel:"And now you're a grown man... crying like a fucking 4 year old. YOU'RE 21, ACT LIKE IT!"
I pushed her away, grabbed my spare car key that was meant for her to be able to use my car. But not anymore. That's why I was here, to get the damn spare to give to New York.
I stormed out and went to the bar.
Russia:"Serve me till I forget the English alphabet and Russian script."