This Is Just Between Us

wtf is sex Ed?

(art by my pumpkin crowsong on YouTube, Tumblr, and Wattpad {Rainbowstar772} )
(Tw: slurs and implied nsfw, shit ain't happening yet)

Alaska pov

Ohio ate dirt again. I told him it was chocolate so he'd eat it. I knocked over one of Hawaii's flower pots and scrambled to hide the evidence.
So I blamed it on Ohio.
To make it more believable I told him to eat the dirt and to not tell dad that I told him to eat the dirt.
Me,him, Wyoming, and Hawaii are the only ones here right now. Our older siblings didn't feel like taking us to day care.
So we put matters into our own hands!

We've been running on lemons and whole grain bread with butter and gram crackers

They left us alone with no food!
Well other than Georgia, she left us some peaches and a few juice boxes, but we went through those pretty fast.
Soooo we're waiting for dad to get home since none of us have a phone, we might just break into Florida's room and email him. Can't have dad finding out about how my little kid computer was hijacked!
Alaska:"ПОХУЙ(FUCK IT), I'm breaking into Florida's room and emailing dad"
Ohio:"Why are we mailing stuff to dad? He lives with us"
Hawaii:"Shut up Ohio. You're running on 1 and a ½ brain cells and probably the acid Harley Quinn jumped into"
Ohio;"What's a brain cell"
Wyoming:"Zuch a retard."
Hawaii:" Dang, you got Wyoming speaking because of how dumb you are"
Ohio:"Who's Wyoming?"
I just walk off, lockpick Florida's door, and go in.
Looking around I find his computer- WHAT THE MOTHER MARY IS THAT?! What is Michael wearing?! I'm bringing that up to dad as well.
I open up his email and send an email to dad, basically telling him to come home and well. Feed us. But also about whatever the hell that photo of Michael was, weird...
I walk out of his room and await a door being bursted open.
After a minute or so the door busted down.
In comes our dad with some fruit and snacks!
America:"Are you serious that Georgia was the only one that left you with food?!"
Hawaii:"More so Rhode island took most of it because me and Alaska are the only ones who speak 1st different languages than the rest of you. With me speaking Hawaiian and her speaking Russian"
Alaska:"Also, Ohio ate dirt again"
America:"Oh for fu- fate's sake!"
Ohio:"What's dirt"
Alaska:"What your brain is made of"
Ohio:"What's a brain?"
Alaska:"What imma knock out of you if you ask one more stupid жопа(ass) question"
America:"Alaska stop threatening your retarded brother"
I huff.
Alaska:"fine."

America pov

Well Rhode Island is being fed dog food tonight and the others are definitely getting in trouble for letting Rhode Island take the food they had for their siblings, but also because they didn't bring them to Day care.
After feeding them I go to practice making gluten free bread and pastries.
I'm going to give him an allergic reaction, so I gotta get him used to me making gluten free stuff and giving it to him.
Next Friday I'll take a visit to the bakery and 'bump into him', hopefully I can start a small conversation and get his phone number.
After a bit I finally made the gluten free bread dough I was working far too hard on, and let it rest.
Now to see what Alaska meant by 'a weird picture of Michael is strange clothes'
I bust open Florida's door and take the computer from his hands, last time I had a state to show me the weird picture that Alaska told me they had, they deleted it. Turns out it was a picture of some girl naked, it was weird how they deleted it, I mean it's just studying human anatomy?
I turn on his computer and see a picture of Michael in like how Alaska said ' strange clothes '
America:"Florida what on earth is- why is your belt off?"
Florida panicked and put his belt back on.
Florida:"D-Dad uhm...."
America:"It's something I don't understand isn't it?"
Florida was red but nodded.
America:"Care to explain?"
Florida:"That's a question for aunt Canada... She's both on Pornhub and runs it."
America:"What the flying flip flop is porn hub?"
Florida:"You're as pure as a small child, good grandma, someone needs to dirty you up"
America:"Stop using your grandmother as a replacement for 'god' , just because she has godly powers doesn't mean she's god"
Just then a note appeared
I groan and read it
America:" ' you're right! I'm a fucking goddess!' ugh, MOTHER WHY?!"
Then another
Florida read it this time
Florida:" 'slay my grandson, worship grandma! As she is a goddess!' . See? Grandma likes me using her as a replacement for ' god ' "
I groan and walk out to call Canada.
I walk up to my room and lock the door.
Dialing Canada's number I prep the question and the way I'll ask.
She finally picked up.
Canada:"what is it America? Me and Ukraine are trying to get busy."
America:"Oh sorry, I just wanted to ask what Pornhub is, what it has to do with taking off belts, and pictures of people in strange clothes"
I then hear Ukraine laughing in the background
Canada:"baby we gotta pause this, my brother is basically asking for sex ed without asking for sex ed "
I'm very confused.
Canada:"Hey! Take those back off, I won't be long!"
America:"Take what off?"
Canada:"Ukraine and I are ready to have some fun. Now are you ready?"
America:"Uhm yeah-"
Hawaii:"OHIO IS EATING MY PLANTS"
Hawaii yelled, banging on my locked door.
America:"Shoot, I gotta go deal with my retarded son."
I hung up and ran out to see Ohio eating.....
SOME VERY RARE FLOWERS
America:"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU FLUTTERING RETARD?!"
Ohio:"eating candy"
Hawaii:" THOSE ARE HAWAIIAN AHINAHINA. THEY TAKE DECADES TO BLOOM! I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU DAMN RETARD"
Usually I would get on to the states for cursing, but honestly she has a point. Those do take actual decades to bloom.
Ohio:"Decades? Is that another way to say candy?"
I see Hawaii take off her lay and flower crown.
She's putting her hair in a ponytail.
Hawaii:"You've messed with the wrong plant mom."
I see Hawaii grab him by the shirt and drag him to the living room.
I then see Montana come in and she tells me Hawaii is fighting Ohio.
I was going to speak when I remembered that she's deaf.
Using sign language I tell her what Ohio did.
She spins on her heel and flips the bird.
I laugh a bit and ruffle her hair before I go over to my gluten free bread dough and put it in the oven.
I hope I did this right!
I set the timer and go over to deal with Hawaii and Ohio only to see Hawaii has finished beating Ohio and now has her loyal Hawaiian hoary bat on her shoulder.
Hawaii:" This is why Waiohinu ate your fucking grasshopper."
Ohio:"He ate my grasshopper?"
Hawaii:"SHE! ate the grasshopper"
Hawaii turned around and walked off to probably tend to her plants.
I walk in to heal my slight mistake of a son.
Rhode Island is my absolute mistake and honestly I plan on disowning him once he's 18 and kicked out the house, Ohio is just so stupid it gets annoying.
Once he's healed I lock him in the time out cabinet, for both his safety and so that no one has to deal with him.
As I was doing that my timer went off.
I go over and take the bread out of the oven with my bare hands. I got too excited to see if I did it right that I forgot my oven mitts!
I put the bread that's in the pan on the stove and quickly heal my hand.
Going over I grab my oven mitts and use them to help me take the bread out of it's pan-
I DID IT! I MADE GLUTEN FREE BREAD!
Perfect! Now onto other pastries.

6 painful hours later

I may have gone overboard-
I just give them to him and won't have to worry about my kitchen being full of gluten free baked goods, what have I done!
Alaska:"Dad I think I wanna try trank- oh what настоящий ад(the actual hell)"
I almost dropped the try of gluten free cookies at her sudden appearance.
America:"I can explain-"
Alaska:"I come into the kitchen to tell you I want to try tranks only to see our kitchen is jam packed with pastries. папа, что, черт возьми, ты делал?!(dad what the fuck have you been doing?!)"
America:"making gluten free baked goods for a friend"
Alaska:"они смертный грех чревоугодие?(are they the deadly sin gluttony? )"
America:"How do you know what that is?"
She looked panicked, definitely has to do with something that she's hiding from me.
Alaska:" Not important, I wanna try tranks. so I can be, you know, normal."
She's back at this....
America:"Who's making fun of you now?"
She just looked down and said the name of a girl who often makes fun of her.
Alaska is a tough girl, but she has her weak spots.
Like the fact she physically can't sleep, English isn't her first language so from time to time she switches to Russian, the way her voice sounds, and because she's 'russian' even though I know that Russia, his siblings, and Alaska aren't just Russian. That's Right, Russia, Alaska, and his siblings are half Russian half something else. Ukraine refuses to tell me what the other half is because "it brings back childhood trauma" I tried to have a talk about his trauma but he says it's personal so I stopped asking.
America:"Just ignore her, although, you should start doing tranks or you could possibly die"
Alaska:"Trank please! Death sounds boring"
I sigh and take her to bed, bringing a trank.
America:"ready?"
Alaska:"ready!"
So I tranked her.
I knew she was already ready, but I asked so she'd know when the trank was coming.
Most people are scared of tranks, she on the other hand isn't afraid of anything. Other than spiders. She hates those things.
Like seriously, I use Latin, my preferred language to give the states a scare so they behave.
She, unlike the rest of her siblings, isn't phased.
Nothing works, although I don't usually have to punish her as she's the most well behaved state.
Aggressive and violent yes, but she usually attacks if she's being provoked.
I give her a kiss on the forehead and leave her room to go to mine and start plotting

AN: Yes I said yet. You perverts will be getting your time to shine eventually, looking at you twaggle