This Is Just Between Us

Trauma isn't that fun

Russia pov
(art by my pumpkin crowsong on YouTube, Tumblr, and Wattpad {Rainbowstar772} )

After a bit of gaslighting from both America and I he dropped the matter and walked us to the kitchen.
Russia:"Quite clean... I thought you'd be a messy person but I guess not."
Burkina Faso:"Yeah. I'm not a messy person."
He spoke coldly which led to America scolding him.
I snickered at how Burkina Faso looks so defeated and gloomy when America is ticked off by his behavior.
Burkina Faso:"O-Ok... uhm, the left is your side of the kitchen and the right is mine."
America:"Alright!"
Burkina Faso:"We will have a time of 1 hour and 30 minutes, we will also-"
I muted out what he was saying as I noticed he had sugar on his side.
Russia:"I thought you said you were making a savory dish?"
Burkina Faso:"Yeah. A sweet and savory dish."
I hummed and nodded.
When he went back to explaining whatever he's explaining I started fucking with his ingredients.
Sugar into salt, tossed some of his eggs into the trash, he has some weird black sauce that dumped half of it out and replaced it with the black liquid from the can of beans he also has.
Once that was done I hid the evidence of tampering and snuck off to the bathroom.
I came out a few minutes later and saw they had already started.
Russia:"You started with telling me?"
America:"You were in the bathroom, we couldn't have waited forever!"
Russia:"I'm playing around silly!"
I said giving him a wink that made him go slightly red.
America:"You're such a flirt!"
Russia:"That I am, say what you are you making anyways?"
America:"A triple chocolate cake that has chocolate vodka in it! The frosting is going to be extra chocolatey as well!"
Russia:"That sounds like it's being made for me specifically."
America giggled, basically clarifying that it was.
I smiled and walked off to the living room and went to take a nap on the rock hard couch.
Once I finally fell asleep I woke up to America causing a sound of pain.
I darted up and ran to the kitchen.
Russia:"America! Are you alright?!"
America:"Just a small burn from a hot pan, I'm fine."
I make a sigh of relief and chose to watch to make sure America is safe and doesn't get hurt again.
After like 26 minutes they finished up.
We all sat down at the folding table and went to try America's cake, they got pieces before me.
I got a fairly big piece and saved another fairly big piece for Alaska.
Russia:"This one's for our daughter, she loves chocolate as much as I do!"
Burkina Faso:"Alright. Now on to mine!"
America decided that he was going to have a small taste.
He spat it out into a paper towel.
I got somewhat nervous and warily took a bite before going to the trash can to spit it out.
Russia:"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"
He looked confused and took a bite before chugging down water so he didn't spit it out.
Burkina Faso:"I don't get it! I've made this thousands of times and it's always good!"
Russia:"You call that good?! TASTES LIKE PURE SHIT! I SHOULD KNOW! I WAS STUPID AS A KID AND CONFUSED IT FOR CHOCOLATE!"
Burkina Faso:"That's disgusting! What the hell are you?! A bird?!"
Russia:"Yes! Yes I am!"
America:"He's a wingless avian."
Russia:"Technically, I'm a wingless rainbow lorikeet. If I had wings they'd be very colorful."
Burkina Faso:"How?! Isn't that bird from Australia?"
America:"The bird is from Australia, but the bird of avians doesn't always match their countries, most of the time it matches their personality. Like Poland, he's a pigeon... and I personally don't want to get into how! The other time, if you're more bland than flour then you'll just be a crow, robin, and or a flycatcher! All very boring birds."
Burkina Faso:"But he doesn't have a colorful personality!"
America:"You haven't seen him with his friends, family, or the states!"
Russia:"Children in general, seeing their little smiles just brings me joy! That's another reason why I want to be a kindergarten teacher, thinking of the kids excited to learn just brings a smile to my face."
I said with a chuckle and small smile.
Mom always did say I was the brightest and most colorful out of my siblings, sure Belarus looks like an angel but she's really a little demon.
I, on the other hand, looked bright, sweet, and bouncing with joy! Which for a little bit of my childhood I was, until my mom died and I lost my childhood...
I didn't notice I was crying till I felt America holding my arms.
America:"Russia! Are you ok?!"
Russia:"I.... I... I'll tell you when we're home..."
He sighed and turned to Burkina Faso.
America:"We're leaving, he needs somewhere to cool down and talk."
After that we left and went straight home, only saying hello to states for a little bit.
When we got to his room I bursted out in tears, knees to my chest on his bed.
America hugged me as he patiently waited for me to calm down...
Once I was calm enough to talk he held my hand as if to ask what's wrong.
America:"Ready to talk?"
I nodded and sniffed before I spoke.
Russia:"Back there Burkina Faso decided that making me remember my past was a good idea..."
America:"And how did he do that?"
Russia:"It started when he said my type of bird didn't match my personality... which is true, I lost who I really was when my mother died. I lost it all... and I mean all..."
America:"Did you lose exactly?"
Russia:"My colorful personality, my respect for the world, the light that once shined in my eyes , my childhood entirely... my mother's death really fucked me up you know....?"
America put his other hand on my cheek, using his thumb to wipe away tears.
America:"You didn't lose it, you just compressed it deep down due to grief..."
Russia:"Everything I had is gone, America! The day my mother died was the day I lost my life! I was so shy to talk to you when we were kids and god knows highschool really fucked up my chances... I was shy! Violence was a defense method... I cried every time I beat you."
America:"Russia...."
Russia:"You were and still are one of the few things keeping me from killing myself, especially after all the abuse and torment I dealt with throughout my years of life..."
America:"Just let it out..."
Russia:"I'm ruined... broken even...."
I feel him rest his forehead on mine as in telling me it's ok.
His skin is soft and his touch is comforting...
I feel my breath slow as I blackout.

America pov

I feel Russia put his hand on my cheek before kissing me, it isn't out of the blue for him to kiss me but he seems almost out of it....
The kiss is a lot softer than usual.... Wonder if he was originally a soft kisser before he was how he worded it "broken"?
I kissed back when I realized the situation I'm in.
I felt one hand in my hair and another on my hand, it's as if I'm kissing another person.
When we let go he mumbled something oh so very quietly before what looks like him coming back to reality.
He quickly let go bright red and confused.
America:"Well that was odd-"
Russia:"What was odd?"
America:"You usual don't kiss so softly, it was like I was kissing velvet..."
Russia:"Did you just- nevermind."
I smile and snuggle him.
He formed a strong and protective group around me, but I didn't mind!
I just stuffed my face into his chest and relaxed.
So sweet yet so broken.... He's perfectly imperfect.