upon graduating high school, you vowed to never return to your hometown ever again. you dreaded being there, so one day you decided to pack everything and move across the world to seoul, korea. it was a huge leap, but you decided what do you have to...
i waited a couple of minutes for a response, but nothing. she was just texting me and now she disappeared. how rude of her, just kidding, but how can she not respond. she just texted! i mean it is kind of early.
momo
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she's not ignoring you, she just fell asleep again
...jihyo?
after a couple of minutes, no response again. why so many cliffhangers i need to be updated. i love being nosy and invested into other people's love lives. it's like watching a real life rom-com. it's the only kind of entertainment i get. as i'm waiting for a response, i hear the door open. dahyun was fast asleep in my arms, so i wondered who was walking in.
"so.. as she was telling you.. she confessed" jihyo whispered, trying not to wake dahyun up.
"that is what she said.. yes" i replied
"and i like her too. we're taking things slow, obviously, but i like her too. i was too scared to say anything because i was scared that if i said it, it'd be true." she said, letting out a relieved sigh.
"you know, she told me the same thing, that if she said it out loud that it'd be true. she told us, and then we told her we thought she should just take the risk and confess. i'm glad that she listened." i whispered back to her.
"i'm glad she listened too. i've been struggling with coming to terms with these feelings. i always try to play it off as nothing, but in reality i'm always freaking out internally out of nerves. not in a bad way, just in a way that i don't want make a fool of myself while my crush is standing in front of me.. if that made any sense at all." she said to me
"it does, i know what you mean, i'm happy for you" i said to her
"thank you y/n, and i'm happy for you and our tofu too" i smiled back at her and looked down at the sleepy girl, kissing her on her forehead. i carefully unwrapped her arms from me and got up.
"can i talk to you about something, jihyo?" i asked worriedly.
"sure, what is it y/n?" i told her to come follow me out so that we could talk in private. we went to the balcony since it was still fairly early and no one else was awake.
"lately i've been having thoughts, and i hope this doesn't sound terrible the way i'm starting off.." i paused and took a deep breath.
"for starters, i get scared sometimes with dahyun. sometimes the relationship feels boring, but i think due to my trauma from my ex, i feel like chaos is normal. so being with dahyun, being in a healthy relationship, scares me. it's out of the ordinary. i wouldn't change it for the world, don't get me wrong here. i adore our relationship and i don't ever want it to end. i've just been overthinking it all and i don't know how to not.." i let it most of it out
"i may not fully understand what you're feeling, since i'm not you, but i know that healthy relationships tend to feel boring sometimes especially when you're used to fighting all the time. it's unnatural for you because that's all you've ever been used to. i think you should tell dahyun about it and see if there's something that you can do to work through your thoughts. we both know she'll be very understanding, and she wouldn't be mad at you"
"i know, but first i just pushed the thought away, since it was a one time thought, that's what it felt like, then it happened again.. and again.. and again. it was just something i needed to let out."
"i'm glad you felt safe enough to tell me, was there anything else on your mind?" she asked me
"yeah.. i think another thing that adds onto the reason why i'm a little scared, is that i'm falling for her, hard. i think i'm falling in love with her and that kind of terrifies me. i know people say you shouldn't get into a relationship if you aren't healed, but i think that i was healed. then we ran into her while on tour, and then everything came crashing down again.. then i felt scared. that something like that would happen again, but i know it's just my brain telling me things. i know dahyun would never intentionally hurt me. so why can't i stop thinking like that?"
"i think it's your internal defensive system. you were hurt in the past from falling in love, and because of the pain it caused you, you've been cautious. you thought you were over it because you were able to move past it, but sometimes you won't ever be fully over something, and that's completely okay and normal. like i said before, talk to dahyun about it. she'll listen and understand, and she'll want to help you work through it. i know it's easier said than done, but you got it." she reached for my hand and gave me a reassuring smile
"yeah, i get what you're saying. i should just tell her. i don't know, i just i love her, and i want to show her, i don't want something as small as this stopping me from doing that"
"this isn't something small. your problems aren't small, no matter how big or little they seem, it's something that affects you."
"thank you for listening, jihyo"
"anytime y/n, now go wake your girl up, i'll get started on breakfast. we have a big day tomorrow so i have to make sure everyone's ready!" she smiled and gave me a hug. she headed towards the kitchen, and i headed towards dahyun's room. to my surprise, she was already awake
"oh hey, i just came to wake you up" i smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead
"i woke up confused because you weren't here. where were you?" she asked, voice full of concern.
"i was just with jihyo, for starters, momo confessed and they like each other, just taking things slow. and then we talked about some other things"
"good for them, and what other things?" i quickly caught her up explaining.. mostly.. everything, excluding the part where i talked about loving her.
"y/n, i will always always always be patient with you. you came out of something so terrible, and it takes a long time to recover from something like that. i understand why you think it feels boring, and that's okay. it's something that will take time, but you will eventually learn that it's normal and healthy to be this way." i started crying at her words
"thank you for being so patient with me. i'm sorry"
"you have nothing to be sorry for, y/n. healing takes time, and i'm happy to be here to help you through your healing process. thank you for trusting me to tell me. you become stronger everyday, and i'm so proud of you" i hugged her tight, it's like she read my mind of everything i needed to hear.
"i love you, dahyun. i love you so much it terrifies me to fall, but i know you'll be there to catch me. i've loved you since the first time i laid eyes on you, even if i didn't know it yet, but i do, i love you, and i want to spend every day loving you and being with you" i let it all out, it felt like the right moment
"well, y/n, thank you for those words.." she paused and it scared me
"..but i love you more" she said, and it relieved me. i pulled her in for a kiss, and suddenly all the pain and fear i just had, went away.
