upon graduating high school, you vowed to never return to your hometown ever again. you dreaded being there, so one day you decided to pack everything and move across the world to seoul, korea. it was a huge leap, but you decided what do you have to...
"..just open up, i'm right here. no one else, just me." i caved and opened the door.
"what's wrong y/n?" dahyun asked me, you could hear the concern in her voice.
"when i was watching you guys practice i guess i just got lost in thought a-and i started to think about p-past things an-" i was interrupted, probably because i was speaking so quickly.
"take a deep breath, take your time." she gave me a quick hug and i took a deep breath.
"i got lost in thought, when i was on the phone with my mom it felt like my whole world changed. i started thinking about the past and i just started crying. they were so supportive over the phone, but just a couple years ago they were yelling at me saying they would never support what i do. it made me confused, and i didn't know how or what to feel." i finally got everything out, still crying, but i managed to get it out.
"y/n i'm sorry to hear you had to go all through that. i know it's hard to see right now because of your past, but your parents do love and support you, otherwise they wouldn't have told you that. you're doing great, i haven't seen much of your work yet, but i can't wait until i get to." dahyun said, she made everything feel better. i just felt a huge sense of comfort after hearing everything.
"thank you dahyun, i'm sorry you had to see me this way." i apologized while letting out a small laugh.
"it's no worries, y/n. we all have our moments. we aren't robots, we have to have some emotions." she gave me one last hug and we started to make our way back to the practice room. it was just about lunch time, everyone went to get lunch, but i decided to just sit here and edit my pictures of them. i started off with mina's photo, it was just her taking a mini break at practice.
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shortly after, i found myself editing a photo of them from a previous practice. honestly, they are all so beautiful and they're amazing at what they do. i'm always fascinated by them
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"wow y/n! you're really good at this! can i have that picture of all of us?" i heard nayeon's voice right behind me, shortly after everyone started to want the picture.
"sure girls, once i'm done editing it i will have it sent to you!" i forgot i didn't have their numbers, so i was just going to give it to JYP for them to give to them, but then they all gave me their numbers. they got back to work and i continued to work and edit. they've been practicing for a while now i didn't even realize how quickly time had passed. everyone was pretty much set to leave, momo especially, she was starving and just ready to eat.
"y/n! we're all heading out to a restaurant to get some dinner, we'd love if you came along." sana said
"thank you girls, but maybe another night. i have some things to catch up on tonight. i appreciate the invite." honestly, i didn't have anything going on tonight, i was just too overwhelmed and stressed i just needed to be alone. they did nothing wrong, but sometimes my anxiety and depression become too much. i just need to recharge and have some time alone. i didn't plan on going back home and staying home yet, just walk around and find new spots to be at.
"awww, well we wish you were tagging along, but maybe next time. be safe y/n!" tzuyu said.
"thank you. you all be safe please! and don't have too much fun" i said while laughing. we all parted ways, i stopped by the dorm to drop some of my stuff off, but of course i kept my camera with me. i walked around for a while and found a park nearby. it was nice to finally just calm down and sit. i found myself thinking to myself. sometimes i wonder what my life would've been like if i didn't leave, if i had friends still, if things back at home didn't end the way they did. what if i just lived a normal happy life. then i had to remember that things happen for a reason, we make decisions for a reason, but it'd be cool to see life where we are living with the other decisions. after about an hour or so of just sitting and people watching, i got up and started to look for other spots too.
i just wanted to find somewhere that i could be alone, somewhere that i could just relax, and be. i came across a beautiful pond, the way the moon reflected on the water was just perfect. i took a quick picture before i settled. i took a few deep breaths and just started to relax. eventually my thoughts took over.
"can we just stay like this forever? no worries, no problems. just us." i asked while letting out a small sigh
"i wish we could, love, but unfortunately we have to go back to reality at some point." she said to me
"do you ever wish things weren't the way they were?"
"of course i do, all the time. i wouldn't change us, but everything else i would."
"do you think we'll be together forever?"
"y/n, i wish i could tell you yes, but i don't have the answer to that. the future is unpredictable."
"i know, but i had hope that it could be us two together forever."
"maybe in another life you and i are happily married with kids" i let out a small laugh after hearing her say that to me
"yeah.. maybe.."
"if only you hadn't had changed, if only you stayed the way you were. if only i didn't see how badly you were hurting me. you made me the bad guy, if i could go back and erase what we had, i would." i muttered to myself. "you're the reason i lost everything, everyone. you ruined me." i shortly found myself crying.
"we have to stop meeting like this, y/n. i feel like every time i see you except for work it's a bad circumstance." i turned around after hearing that voice. dahyun was right there with me again
"dahyun? what are you doing here?"
"this is where i come when i want some me time, it seems you found this spot too."
"yeah, i was roaming around trying to find places to be alone. it'd appear i chose someone else's spot." i laughed as i told her
"that's okay, i'm happy to share my spot with you, y/n. are you okay?" she always has a concerned voice.
"honestly, no, i'm not. i was just in my head about some things with my past. it's been hard to let go of certain things. i try everyday, but sometimes it gets harder and harder."
"well, y/n, i won't force you to talk about it. we can sit here in silence if you want, but i'm here for you." hearing that made me sob even more. she held me as i cried, it was really comforting, but i really have to stop seeing dahyun in this state. she probably thinks i'm always like this.
