Beyond The Leather

Chapter 139: Dancing With A Stranger

Morning...

"Why's it so dark in here... oof." It sounded like Donna tripped over a box. "Nikki, you in here?"

The lights were switched on making me shield my eyes like I was a vampire.

"What is all this?" She motions towards the open boxes with pictures, papers, tickets, and more.

"I was just going through some stuff," I responded as I placed the magazine, I was holding face down on the wooden table beside me.

"In the dark?" She raised her brows placing her hand on her hips.

"Do you need something?" I ask without giving attitude.

She stares at me with irritation.

"Yeah, I would like my husband to stop spending hours inside the attic and pay attention to me and Ryan. That's what I need." She snapped.

"Sorry, I have a lot of things on my mind." I rubbed my face up and down.

When I lifted my head, I noticed that she was staring at the old poster of Iman wearing her blue and white bikini that I kept with me on tour in eighty-nine.

The truth is the attic was filled with boxes of all my old belongings from Motley and personal items from Idaho. But the other stuff was things from mine and Mani's past. Which is what I was pulling out.

I slowly looked back up at her and noticed how red her face was turning. Fuck. I quickly got up and scrambled around to pick up the poster and all the other items like the teddy bear from London that I won at the fair, the bracelet I gave to her on her birthday from our boat dinner in eighty-six, the different magazines I kept over the years from her modeling days and our letters we've been exchanging with each other while I was on tour. I quickly shoved them into different boxes and struggled to close them up.

I looked back up at her and saw the expression of anger and disappointment on her face. I didn't know what to say. It wasn't the first time she caught me up here pulling my past out of the boxes just to relive some of the memories I had of Mani and me. And although I always reassured her that these things meant nothing. As time went on, I found myself locked up in here for hours forgetting that life was going on out there. And that I have a wife and son who need me. And yet it wasn't enough to pull me from these boxes that kept me prisoner. A prisoner to a past that I just can't let go of.

"Donna-"

Before I could even finish what I wanted to say she turned and switched off the light and left. Leaving me with my past and boxes in the dark.

I turned back around to look at the magazine on the desk. I walked over and picked it up. God that shot. It was the very first time I watched her in her element. I could never forget it. I know that's not the day I fell in love with her. But it does come close. I was lusting. I stared at the photos. Reminiscing on what she wore, how she did her hair, her dark golden skin in the sun, that smile, those eyes...

"Fuck!" I hissed closing the magazine.

I walked over and opened a box to throw it in. I needed to get right with Donna.

Again.

I headed downstairs and could smell the delicious chocolate pancakes that she often made for Ryan and me. I walked over and kissed him on the head. Then walked over to her as she stood in front of the stove. Wrapping my arms around her I gave her several kisses to her head.

"I'm an asshole," I murmured by her ear so Ryan wouldn't hear.

"What kind of asshole?" She murmured back.

"A big one."

"Yeah, you are." She turned the stove off and turned around to face me.

"I'm sorry." I pleaded.

"You're forgiven. For now. Sit, have breakfast." She kisses my lips and then turns back around to place the pancakes on the plate in front of me.

After having breakfast she got up to take Ryan to school while I grabbed my Bass and sat in the living room trying to write. As I grabbed the remote to mute the volume on the TV news of Tommy and Pamela's explicit photos came up again. Right now, that's all anyone was able to talk about. Since Tommy has been married to that woman his life has just been chaotic. He was constantly on the news doing some crazy shit with her. Not that I'm judging because I'm no saint, but I feel as though she brings the worst out in him.

"Ugh turn this off." I heard Donna shutter regarding the news. "Can't believe someone would do that to them." She moved towards the couch opposite of me and sat down pulling her legs up to her chest. "Did Tommy tell you how they got hold of the pictures?"

"Those pictures are from a tape."

"Really!"

"Yup. Remember the five-day trip they took? To Lake Mead last year."

"Oh yeah, I remember." She nods her head.

"Yeah, Tommy and Pam recorded a homemade sex video of themselves on that boat trip. He said he put it in the safe so that no one would be able to find it. Apparently, the construction workers who came to his house stole the safe. He had a lot of other shit inside there as well. And I guess they saw the video and sold it."

"Shit."

"Yeah. Their lawsuit is against Penthouse magazine. He wants all copies of the tape back. But I doubt he'll get them all."

"Wow. I tried talking to Pam about it, but she keeps brushing me off."

"I mean it's a lot on them. They're having their first baby and they have to deal with this. I can't imagine."

"Well, I hope they get that sorted out. As for our shit. We need to sort it out."

"There's nothing wrong with us."

"That's what you think." She chuckled humorously. "Because you're always distracted-"

"Donna we have a lot going on with Motley okay-"

"I'm not talking about Motley."

Here we go again.

"Donna nothing is going on with me and Iman-"

"Really! Because you've been sitting up in that attic for months now looking at the same magazine and pictures of you two from the past."

"Donna look-"

"No, you look." She sits up pointing at me. "I get that you and she have a history. And it's hard to let go of the past. But when your past starts interfering with our present and future then it becomes a problem." She paused.

I rub the bridge between my nose thinking of what to say next.

"Nikki look at me."

So I do.

"You need to get rid of those things."

"And I told you I would-"

"Yes, you did. But they're still up there-"

"Donna I will-"

"When!" She raised her voice waving her hands.

"Look right now Motley isn't going the way I want it to. Alright. We're behind on our album, we lost money from our failed tour-"

"Motley, Motley, Motley! Everything is always about Motley!"

"It's my job, Donna!"

"What about being a husband!" She argues back. "That's also your job! What about being a father? Is that not your job as well!"

"Donna please!"

"I want those things in the attic gone, Nikki. Do you understand me? I want them gone." She orders.

"Okay," I respond feeling a knot in my stomach. "I'll move them."

"No throw them away."

"Donna I'm not gonna toss those things out."

"What do you need them for?" She stared me down. "I'm not gonna have you move them to a... a storage or some other place so that you can leave here and secretly look at them when I'm not around. No!" She stands up giving me one final look. "If you want this marriage to work. You will burn or throw away those pictures and magazines and whatever else is in there about Iman Darlington. Or this marriage is over."

I turned to look at her with shock.

"Yes." She nods with teary eyes. "For this marriage to work. You will throw all that stuff away."

"Okay." I gave in. "Just... just give me time. Please." I stood up placing my hands on her hips. "Please."

"Fine. I want us, Nikki. Okay. I want us. I want you." She whispers against my lips. "So please work with me."

"I want us to. Just... give me time okay."

"Okay." She rubbed the back of my neck. "Also don't forget about my parents' anniversary party tonight."

"I didn't." I smiled.

Afternoon...

Since I did that photoshoot, I haven't seen Iman. Guess she gives up easily. But that's how she always was. Anyway I had a lot of other things on my mind. Like this studio I found for photography. I've always been interested in it. I got the space to take pictures and develop them. I hired some workers to help me set the place up. This was my hobby while Motley was at a standstill. I'm hoping it won't be like that for long. But in the meantime, at least I have something to do.

Last I came to the studio I had all my equipment there ready to be set up. All I needed to do was hire a...

"What the fuck?"

I furrowed my brows, noticing that the decor was done. And not just done. Done in a way I would approve of.

"Mr. Sixx." A maintenance guy walked over to me. "Could you just sign here and here stating that everything is alright and to your liking?

I was confused.

"W... wait. Who did this?"

"It was-"

"It was me."

I sighed hearing the voice that haunts my dreams every night. I turned to see my... I turned to see Iman. No cocky or arrogant to her.

"I um... I heard you were trying to fix up a studio here for your photography. And seeing as I have my studio for my photoshoots, I thought I could help set yours up." She spoke with a genuine but nervous tone.

We stared at each other for a bit longer until the guy asked me again to sign if the studio was to my liking.

No, it's not to my fucking liking because it tells me you still know what I like, and you haven't stopped chasing me and I want you to fuck off.

"Yes, it's fine," I speak sternly.

Signing my life away to the devil that's standing behind me. She could easily use this against me or throw it back in my face for all the things she's done for me. But the expression on her face tells me that she means well. But that still doesn't mean I'm going to give in to her that easily.

"So does that mean you like it?" She asks with a cheerful voice while following me as I walk around. "Honestly I had to think about what Nikki likes. Which wasn't too hard. Because it's black and red. Dull colors. However, I added a bit of white to this section here." She points to the photoshoot spot. "Just because you need a little bit of white when you're photographing people."

I turn to look at her with disbelief. Doesn't she know that we're not in a good place? And I haven't forgiven her. I shake my head and walk over to my desk. Throwing my things down on top of it I ignore her rambling while trying to set up for a shoot I wanted to do.

"Would you like me to be your first model?"

I was utterly dumbfounded by what she just asked me.

"Okay. Well obviously, that's a no." She mumbled.

I went back to pulling out papers and opening the boxes that had my cameras and film inside.

"So I was wondering... if... if we could talk."

"I'm busy," I spoke with no emotion whatsoever. "I have work to do."

"Well, now you have work to do. But what about tonight?"

"I'm busy."

"Okay... how about tomorrow we can have drinks then.

"I don't drink.

She sighed. "How about dinnertime?

"I already ate."

She tapped the desk with agitation. "How about the evening? What I want to say is important."

"No, now please go!" I yelled, making her flinch. I sighed letting my head fall back while closing my eyes. "Just go please."

She nodded timidly and left.

"Fuck." I breathed out hating myself.

Nighttime...

By the time I finished setting everything up, it was nighttime. Donna had called me to ask when I was getting home. I told her I would be home in a few hours. In all honesty, I didn't feel like chatting with her parents and other family members. But it's not like I could get out of it.

By the time I got home, she was upset and bitching about me only having a couple of minutes to shower and get ready. I fluffed my hair up into the usual style. Threw on a button-up shirt leaving the chest open and put on black jeans with black sneakers. I can't lie, I looked like I was going to a concert rather than an anniversary ceremony.

"You, okay?"

She asked as we pulled up to the venue.

"Uh yeah... yeah I'm fine."

"I'm sorry about this morning." She mumbled. "I just... I need my husband."

I nodded. "I understand." I took her hand in mine and kissed it then leaned in to kiss her lips.

"Ew!" Ryan repelled.

We both turned back to look at him and started laughing hysterically.

The night went fairly well. Even though I was bored out of my mind with having to continuously exchange pleasantries with her family and friends. I found myself slowly edging toward the back where they were handing out alcohol. I was tempted. I wanted a taste of the burning sensation of whiskey to slowly make its way down my throat. I excused myself from the ceremony room and made my way to the washroom to splash water on my face. I took a couple of breaths and then made my way back out.

"Jeez, you scared me!" I raised my voice as I bumped into Donna.

"Sorry, I saw you leave in a hurry. Wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I am." I nodded.

"Are you sure Nikki? I mean I know you don't like these types of eve-"

"I'm sure." I touched her cheek. "I'm fine babe."

"Okay. You want to dance?" She smiled.

"No, but I know you do. So, let's go."

We took each other hands and made our way to the small dance floor where others were as well. Her parents smiled at me, and we smiled back. She wrapped her arms around me and placed her head on my shoulder. I did the same with her. I placed a soft kiss on her head and started twirling her around slowly. I couldn't dance for shit. I kept stepping on her toes and she kept squealing. Eventually, I got it right. To some degree. We weren't moving together. But were still dancing.

I was trying to be in the moment. But all I could do was look at the other people around us. I felt like they were judging me. Like they could see what was on my mind. The things I was thinking about. I felt like an ass. Because three things were on my mind. Donna wasn't one of them. It was alcohol, Motley... and worse... Iman.

A couple of days later...

My studio was finally set up and ready for me to start photoshoots and printing. I was proud of myself for doing this. I've been spending more time here working on this than at home.

Me and Donna were in a good place. I want to be the man that she needs. I want to make the relationship work. I don't want to be one of those guys that gets married and then after years of marriage divorces and then finds a new wife and does the same thing all over again. I want a forever.

But sometimes... just sometimes I feel like maybe I rushed into this marriage too early. I mean we dated for four months and then got married right after that. But looking back at all our conversations and dates. Everything just felt right. We talked about our children. Our families. What we wanted for ourselves in the future. We also went everywhere together. The fair, beach, movies, dinner, Japan. And that's where I found out what a freak Donna is. We explored each other sexually and included others per Donna's request on some occasions.

I'll have to admit. What they say about catholic girls is correct.

Donna is not just an innocent modest catholic woman who attends church in her pantsuits or skirts. She's kinky just like Brandi was. And come to think about it she was on the cover of a Playboy magazine just like Brandi. And I met her on a blind date just like Brandi. And I married her right away just like Brandi.

You could say I have a type. Or a pattern.

However, Mani didn't fit in with that. Unlike Brandi and Donna. I had to work to get Iman. I slept with Brandi the day after we met and slept with Donna two days after we met. With Iman, it took four years. Four years of chasing. Four years of fighting. Four years of friendship. Before we were intimate with each other. And even after we had finally done it, it took 4 weeks before we did it again. But by that point, we already knew each other inside and out. And that night we made love and that's all I will call it because it wasn't just sex. It was love for the first time. I knew in my heart it felt right. I knew she was the one for me.

"Fuck!" I shouted.

I packed up my belongings in my briefcase. It was late and I needed to get home. Donna was calling me nonstop. I'm sure she's going to be pissed at me. Maybe I can spice our marriage up by taking her on a mini vacation. That will also clear my head of thinking about Iman. Because right now she's doing the chasing. And she's doing a damn good job at it. I didn't think she would be able to keep it up as long as I used to do it. But she is. And as much as I love the fact that she is trying to make things right with me... begging for my forgiveness this time instead of me begging her. I don't like seeing her desperate. Sad. Hurt. Frustrated. And worst of all crying. Those brown eyes with tears. My heart shatters when I see those eyes water and tears trickle down her cheeks. It's a pain that I have never been able to handle.

"Fuck!" I shouted again.

I couldn't go home. I'm not ready to go home.

Not like this.

I decided to go for a little drive around town. I wanted to go to a bar or a place where no one knew who I was. Which wasn't that hard to find. I needed to think. I needed a place where I could just sit down and relax my thoughts. After driving for a couple more minutes, I found a place. The lights were dimmed down low. The music was slow. The crowd was chill, and the bar was open.

Perfect!

I sat on a stool in front of the bartender. He asked what I would be having. I contemplated getting a beer or wine. I didn't want to drink because I was sober. But at the same time, one drink would be alright. I could have just one drink and call it a night. After that drink, I'll walk away.

Yeah, I can do that.

"Whiskey please."

He nodded his head and then turned around to get my drink. Meanwhile, I turned around to scan the crowd. They were all young and full of life. Slow dancing to the jazz music that the small band was playing on stage.

"Here ya go."

I turned to see a cup of red liquid with ice placed in front of me.

"Uh... what is this?" I looked up at him.

"Cranberry juice." He stated leaning forward against the counter.

"Yeah... okay well I didn't order this." I slide the cup towards him.

"Well, the lady over there ordered it for you." His head nods to the right. I turn to see Iman sitting six stools away from me smiling. "she said you're sober and her specific words were if I give you alcohol, she'll fuck me up. Big time. Because she is Iman Darlington." He stated.

"Yes she is and yeah she will." I sigh shaking my head.

I use my hands to rub my face as I hear her heels slowly clicking on the ground making their way in my direction.

"I'll have another of the same drink. But make it in my face so I can see it. Take this one away." I push the drink to the side.

"You think I would drug you?" I heard the smugness of her silk-velvet voice.

"Yeah, actually I do. You couldn't kill me then so you want to finish the job now."

She chuckles shaking her head.

"Did I say you can sit by me?" I stare at her as the bartender pours my drink and places it in front of me.

"Free world, free club, free space. I'll have the same."

I roll my eyes and then sip my drink.

"Thought you were sober?" She sipped from her drink.

"I am sober," I said after thanking the bartender for my drink.

"Could've fooled me." She snorted. "You were about to relapse."

"Are you here to stress me?" I grumbled.

"You wanna get into this now-"

"I don't want to get into anything that concerns you. I'm here to have fun."

"So am I." She finishes her drink.

"Is that why you followed me here and sat in the corner like a creep? Scouting out all the males that you can get your hands on."

"I only have one male I'd like to get my hands on." She bites her lip. "And that's only to dance."

"Well, I don't-"

"Dance." She cuts me off. "Yes, you do." She smirks smugly.

I clench my glass watching her get the best of me.

"Well, I'm not available."

"Okay."

She gets up and stalks over to the dance floor. I turn around to see her swaying side to side to the slow rhythm and blues playing by the band. I can feel it. The urge. Back again with a vengeance. I feel the pull. My hand squeezes tight onto the glass cup. Like it has a mind of its own. I'm angry. Frustrated. And feel like I'm going to fuck shit up. I finish my drink and throw money down on the counter. I get up and aggressively push people out of my way. She's smiling and enjoying herself when I step in front of her.

"This doesn't mean shit."

"Okay." She simply said. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me flush against her chest. "Move slowly with me." She whispered.

I wrapped my arms around her. We stared at each other as we moved slowly. Moving together. I remembered the first time me and Mani slowed danced together. It was the night we made love for the first time. When we danced, I dropped into my body, and the music became my guide. I remembered that I was beginning to intuitively associate sounds with movements, but also feelings that I wanted to express.

I felt my heart pounding. And wanted to pull away but she slowly rubbed the back of my neck and leaned forward so her head was pressed on my shoulder. She sighed and closed her eyes. Snuggling closer to me. Close to my heart.

I remembered where I was and who I was with. I stopped tensing and let the music take me. I wanted to get closer to her. Smell her. Taste her. Just love her. My feelings for her were intensifying.

I placed my head down close to her neck. I let out a trembling breath as I saw the white bandage behind her neck. It pained me that she was back to scratching that area. I had to kiss it. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to make the pain she was feeling go away. I squeezed her tight. I wasn't thinking about anything else but her. Not the chatting. Not the people. Not the alcohol. Not home. Not Motley. Nothing. Just Nikki and Mani.

My Mani.

We fit perfectly together.

As the song slowly came to an end. And the cub goers clapped and cheered for the band. We both lifted our heads and stared at each other through the dim light. She rubbed my cheek. And placed her forehead on mine. My breath and heart quickened. I wanted to kiss her. But she wasn't mine. And I wasn't hers. I turned and made my way towards the door to leave. I turned back to her and held the door open for her to follow. She smiled and came out and walked out with me behind her. The fresh air of the cool night hit my face as I stepped out of the club. It was time for me to head home.

"Thank you for the dance."

I dug my hands into my jeans pockets and nodded my head.

"I'm sorry Nikki. You don't know how sorry I truly am."

I had to turn away quickly. Otherwise, I would be trapped in those brown eyes. And I would never be able to escape them.

"Nikki look at me. Please."

I walked a little further away from her. Taking deep breaths to make my blood pressure go down. I didn't want this to turn into a fight. But every time I see her or hear her, I'm brought right back to that day. And I get pissed off all over again.

"I didn't complain when you refused to hold my hand any time we were in public. I didn't complain when you refused to kiss me in public. Because I understood that I was no good. I was frustrated with having to be in a secret relationship with you. But I did it. I kicked my drug and alcohol habit. For you. When I got clean. I remained faithful to you. I stayed sober Mani. That's when I started asking you for more. Because I proved to you that I was serious. About you. About us. I wasn't asking for you for the world. I wasn't asking for a lot. All I asked was that we be there for each other. And to not let anyone come between this. Between us."

"And I-"

"Just listen please." I put my hand up to stop her. "I needed you... to fight for me... for us, just once. And instead, you ran." There was a silence between us. "You ran. I don't care about anything else. I truly don't. You promised that things would be different. You looked into my eyes and told me you loved me. And that we would make this relationship work. No matter who got involved. You swore to me... that you were ready to stand up to everyone out there who would try and harm our relationship. But you didn't. You didn't." I shrugged. "You didn't defend us. You left."

She wrapped her arms around herself.

"I wanted to walk down the aisle with you. I wanted to marry you, Mani. So bad. I..." I stopped talking and rubbed my face.

"I should have stayed. To hear you out. You're right. You were my fiancé. And we both promised that we would let nothing get in our way. I promised... that I would fight for us. And I didn't. I will never forgive myself. Because I lost you. And it was my fault. I'm sorry." Her eyes became teary.

She moved closer trying to touch my cheek, but I moved back.

"Mani I-"

"I need to tell you something." She interrupts me. "You may get angry but-"

"Mani-"

"Let me finish." She stops me. "I love you. I truly do." She paused. "But I can't chase you anymore."

I lift my head giving her a confused look.

"I'm done chasing you."

I snorted in disbelief. "Of course, Iman Darlington never chases men. I knew you'd give up easily. You never fucking cared enough about me to pursue me."

"I do Nikki." She looks me dead in my eyes. "I can be a bitch. I'm arrogant, I'm prissy, I love attention, I seek revenge on others, and I like using people for my gain. And I have trouble with my emotions. Especially when it comes to empathy. And I like to be put on a pedestal. But I'm working on all those things. One thing I am not and don't ever want to be... is a home wrecker."

My shoulders slumped, and my breathing became shallow. I leaned my palms against my car, letting my head drop.

"I can't be one Nikki. A good friend reminded me of what it was like when I was a woman. And I remembered the pain in my chest. The feeling of finding out you were with another woman. It hurt. So, I won't do it to Donna. No matter how much I want to fight for you now. I just can't be that woman."

I clench my jaw feeling angry tears weld up in my eyes. I breathed out shaking my head in disbelief. She wiped her tears on her sleeves and then turned to pull out what looked like a small envelope.