Nikki Sixx prys himself on being in the sleaziest dirtiest rock band Motley Crue. He is considered the bad boy of Rock 'n Roll and has a reputation that proves it. He meets the highest-paid fashion model in the world, Iman Darlington who is the comp...
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Warning: Drug use
December 2nd 1987 Van Nuys, 4:00 am
I woke up in terror having the same dream every night since Florida. My chest was heaving up and down with sweat running down my face. I'm glad I have you to talk to Diary. My heart is hurting and I'm restless. I feel like I'm about to burst into tears. Whenever I feel bad I would call Iman. But now I can't, I don't have anyone to call and talk to. I asked Doc if he could sort something out with her family so I could say my final goodbye to her. But they told Doc to fuck off and never contact them again. They're taking her back home to Canada. I wish they would show something on the news. But Doc said they're keeping it private.
Why did I hurt her? Why did I ask her to come on tour? Why did I even pursue her? Why didn't I just love her? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
So many questions with no answers. I need to stop feeling. I can't take hurting anymore. I wonder if things would be different if my mom and dad showed me what love is. I feel like it would. I feel like I would have been able to show love to her properly if I had it from them.
I'm so lonely with my screaming thoughts running wild. I need to call Abdul. To tell you the truth I don't think I'll ever be over this shit. And honestly, I'm ok with it. I want to just fade away, I feel like I will be the happiest I've ever been.
P.S. I need to find Mani's nightgown. I miss the scent of her.
PS I miss her.
December 9, 1987 Van Nuys, 3:45 pm
I've been home for a couple of days now. The sky is gray outside and it makes me feel safe. I bought $5k worth of dope from Abdul because I don't wanna see him every day. I don't wanna see anyone especially because of what happened to Iman. Heather called me and told me off. I could hear Tommy in the background telling her to stop. I just hung up and got strung up. None of the boys called to check up on me and I haven't called them. I haven't even spoken to Slash either. I know he's hurting just as I am.
I'm trying my best not to think about her. I laid around all day shooting and snorting up. I don't wanna feel happiness, sadness, or hatred. I just don't wanna feel anything at all. I'm underneath my comforter holding on to her nightgown trying to sleep, but every time I close my eyes the image of her pops up and I freak out. I'm on the verge of having a breakdown. Karen is out right now. I know Doc told her what happened. She's been watching me and asking me to come out of my room. Eventually, I will, but for now, I just need to hold onto Iman's nightgown and smell the Pink Chiffon lotion. It comforts me. ____
December 11, 1987
I finally came out of my room after shooting dope 4 to 5 times a day. Life was passing me by, but I didn't care. I had some time off before we headed to Japan, so I had time on my hands to do absolutely nothing. I didn't unpack my bags, I haven't showered, haven't eaten, and I didn't care. A lot of things were running through my mind today. My birthday is one of them. I had no calls, no messages, no presents, no cards, no one wished me Happy Birthday. Great! The only person that came around was Abdul, he gave me a balloon of high-grade China. He gave me a good deal on it too.
