Beyond The Leather

Chapter 34: Ashamed Of You

Warning: Violence

Saturday, July 19, 1986

Nikki's POV

Today was the day of the funeral and I was completely out of it. Before Nona died my Grandfather, Tom, and Aunt Sharon kept calling me trying to tell me that she was sick. I mean I picked up the first call when Tom called, but after that, I kept ignoring the calls because I was so smacked out, I could not focus. When I finally answered his call, he told me that Nona had passed away. I was devastated, this is the woman that raised me and put up with my shit when my mom could not. She was the woman who dragged me around with her from Texas to Idaho like I was her son. I promised my Grandfather that I would go, but it meant that I would have to confront my past, confront my mother, and spend time with my family. And I knew I could not do that alone. I was happy when Mani agreed to come with me. She is my haven, she's my home, and she's the one who I need to have by my side when I get to the funeral.

I have been awake for two days straight just freebasing. I got up and got myself ready to go to the funeral. I could not focus I needed a pick-me-upper. I shot up some coke to give me enough energy to put one foot in front of the other. I walked into the living and sat on the couch for a bit. My head was spinning, and my stomach felt bad. I crawled off the couch and headed to the room to change into something else that was more comfortable.

After that, I walked around my house looking for the paper with written directions that Tom had given me. I looked for the directions for about an hour. And started to get frustrated that I could not find them. I looked in the mirror and realized that these clothes were not suited for a funeral, so I decided to change again. I was also wondering why Mani was not here yet. "Shit!" I yelled; I'm supposed to pick her up.

I walked around looking for my car keys and could not find them, so instead I called my driver and gave him the directions to Jess's place so that he could go and pick her up. I walked back to the room and changed again. I did not like what I was wearing, my clothes were becoming too big for me. I walked out of my room and thought about calling Tom again to ask where the place was but I tripped on the carpet and just couldn't get my act together. I got up and walked back into my room and changed into my bathrobe. I cooked up some free and came back out, sat on the couch, and turned on the TV.

I heard the buzzer go off and I slowly crawled off the couch to peek outside. I pressed the button to open the gate allowing my driver to come in. I stood up and unlocked the door so that Iman could just walk in rather than me having to get up again.

"Come in the doors unlocked!" I yelled as she knocked. 

She opened the door smiling but then her smile turned into a frown when she saw me in my bathrobe.

"Nikki! You're not ready?" She yelled.

"It was too complicated. I couldn't find the directions, I couldn't find my car keys, I changed three times, and I'm coked out. So, drop it." I warn.

"I can not believe what I am hearing from you. I came all the way down to LA from New York. Leaving behind things that I could have been doing to attend your Nona's funeral with you. Only for you to tell me that you're not going because of keys, clothes, directions, and coke!"

She chuckled incredulously shaking her head. 

"Nikki get up we're going to the funeral," she said with a stern voice. "What's your grandfather's number I'll call him and ask for the directions again so that we can make it." She walked to my table to look for a phone book. "Nikki I'm talking to you!" 

She started raising her voice at me and it was pissing me off I told her to drop it. What is it with these chicks not listening? When I man says drop it, it means shut the fuck up. They never listen, all they do is squeal and complain. Fuck.