Don't Be A Dingus; Byler ✔️

17- The Ceiling's Very Pretty

WILL POV-

---- Two days later; Monday 6:03 AM ----

Despite the kiss with Mike being over a day ago, it had indeed left the brunette in a whirlwind of emotions; it had been the topic of his thoughts since the party, and he couldn't help but replay the moment in his head; the way Mike's touch softened the moment their lips glided across one another; it was his first kiss. He couldn't focus on anything else; the softness of Mike's lips, the warmth in his breath and his tender gaze in that moment.

He always dreamed of this as a little kid; it was something he always wanted... so why did it hurt? Why did it hurt so much? He felt a deep ache within him, a sadness that threatened to spill into his memory. He couldn't escape the truth; it had all been a dare, a stupid game between friends. The kiss, though it meant the world to Will, held no such impact on the ravenette; merely a nuisance he was obligated to complete.

The weight of the reality broke the brunette, and he couldn't help but worry about his own future; his first kiss with anyone had been a dare. He stared at the ceiling; he couldn't sleep; too early to get ready, yet too late to continue his dreams peacefully.

The knowledge pierced his heart like thousands of tiny daggers. It was a cruel reminder Mike would never love him the way he wished.

Stupid.

Would he ever experience another kiss? One that was born out of love and affection rather than obligation? This had nothing to do with Mike; he knew Mike liked- possibly even loved his sister, this was about... anyone. The thought of ending up alone, unloved and unwanted, gnawed at him. He longed for someone to share his heart with; someone to see him for who he truly was.

And then there was the ever-present question; was he feeling his way simply because he liked boys? It was a question that haunted him for a long time; since Lonnie; since his bullies; since he was born. Societies expectations, and the fear of rejection for his sexuality bore down on him, intensifying his feeling of isolation.

As he lay there surrounded by darkness, his thoughts became restless; his brain being too crowded for him to handle. He wished he could drown them out, but they kept emerging one after another like a constant ring in his ear. He questioned his worth, if any boy would ever feel the same way about him as he did about them. The thought of a future, void of everything he yearned for cracked his soul; leaving him lost and adrift.

He wondered if one day, somehow, someway, he could find the strength to embrace his true self and find the love he so deeply deserved; move to a brand-new city. But that meant he would be leaving almost everything he knew behind... just because he was gay.

It wasn't fair! Why did he have to be the one to apologise for feeling the way he did? Was Mike's obligated kiss his only taste of affection in this cruel and unforgiving world?

He hated everything.

He hated everyone.

He hated himself.

RINGGG

In midst of his turmoil, his alarm rang, jolting him from his perpetual state of nothingness; what time was it? And as if on cue, Joyce's voice rang through the house as chipper as usual, unaware of the state her son was in. She called everyone to breakfast, knocking on their doors as she made her way. Will was reminded that the world moves on, moving without him...