Unconditionally (BOOK 3)

Making Amends

Art by @lyshima_
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Felix's POV:

I did what I said and spent the rest of the week home with my family. It was very much needed. I was able to catch up with my parents and filled them in on almost everything that's happened since I moved in with Wooyoung and San. Of course I spared some heavy details for the sake of their sanity, as well as Hyunjin's reputation, but overall they know a lot.

I was happy I was able to spend time with Minho too. He told me a lot more about his time in Japan and he actually really seemed to enjoy it. In fact, he said he'd love to go again soon. It was relieving to hear, considering Hyunjin and I don't have the best track record with life in other countries. It's nice to know someone isn't accident prone around here.

But now I'm back in Wooyoung and San's apartment, waiting for them both to come home from work. I was already bored out of my mind with no one here so I needed to think of something.

I went upstairs to my room and laid on the bed, hugging Hyunjin's pillow. It's the closest thing I'll get to the real thing for now unfortunately. I wish he was here with me. It's been a few days since I last saw Hyunjin and I miss him terribly. After about ten minutes, I decided the pillow wasn't enough so I went through our shared closet and grabbed one of his sweatshirts. All of his more expensive clothes stuck out to me like a sore thumb. So what better way to see if I actually like them by putting on my own little fashion show? I have nothing better to do.

"Versace? Jesus Christ." I took the jacket off the hanger and tried it on, looking at myself in the mirror. It's a little big but definitely fashionable. I did another quick little spin, then nodded in approval. "What else you got?" Louis Vuitton too? So many name brands. "I guess mommy and daddy were good for at least one thing." I'll be keeping this one, sorry. It was a basic leather jacket with the brand's pattern on the upper half of it. It's more my style in my opinion, I doubt he'll mind. "Well enough of that." I said to myself, then put on the sweatshirt I had picked out earlier.

I left our room and went back downstairs to see if San had come home yet, but I was still by myself. He usually walks in the door somewhere between 6 or 7pm; it's currently 6:10.

Thinking of what I should do next, I turned on the fireplace and went to the kitchen to see if we had any brownie ingredients left. Call them 'apology brownies'. I better not hear shit from either of them with their strict model-fitness trainer diet routines because I'm about to pour my heart and soul into these. Last time I attempted to bake, Hyunjin was my assistant and the oven was in flames. I don't even know how it happened, but that's what I get for not paying closer attention to him.

It didn't take me long to mix all the ingredients together, I knew the recipe well. My grandmother back in Australia and I used to bake together so it's actually her recipe. I hope she's doing well. I think about my grandparents sometimes. I wonder if they know where I am? Do they know what happened? Probably not.

After putting the brownies in the oven, I went back upstairs to Hyunjin's art room. He only got to use it for a short time, but he created so many new, beautiful pieces. The first one I spotted was on his desk; it was different images of Wooyoung. I rarely see work of his without tons of color, but this was just black and white. I assumed he had gotten better over the years, but I didn't know he got that good. It was almost freaky how realistic it was. Hyunjin has always been so talented. What if I attempted to draw something? I'm not anywhere near his level, but I could try.

I grabbed a piece of paper and sat at his desk, scribbling away.

"Oh, this is terrible." I laughed, erasing the lines I had already made and decided to restart. I chose to draw Hyunjin. He's made so many portraits of me and they always look amazing. I want to try doing the same.

"When did you get here?"

"Holy shit!" I screamed in fear, not expecting San to appear in the doorway. "You scared me." San walked over and stood behind me, looking at what I was working on. A wave of embarrassment rushed through me because it wasn't anywhere near something Hyunjin would make. "It's bad, I know."

"I can tell it's Hyunjin though so that's a plus."

"Really?"

"Maybe because of the hair."

"Look at this." I handed him the drawing of Wooyoung. "Isn't that crazy?"

"I wonder if I could keep this." San's eyes were glued to Hyunjin's work. I don't blame him since it's a spitting image of his fiancé.

"I'm sure you could." I stood up from the chair and looked at him awkwardly. "San, I'm really sorry." He put the drawing on the desk and reached out for a hug. "Like really, really sorry." He rubbed my back and comforted me even though I should be the one comforting him.

"It's okay, I'm really sorry too. I think all of our emotions were out of control and neither of us cooled down yet. Are you okay now though?"

I nodded. "Are you okay?" He nodded as well. "Shit." I mumbled and pulled away from the hug, sprinting down the stairs.

"What, what's wrong?" San started to panic once he saw my frantic state.

"My brownies!"

"That's what that smell was?" He laughed, following behind me.

When I opened the oven, they looked just about finished. A little overdone, but not too bad - at least they're edible unlike last time.

I took out the pan and placed it on top of the stove carefully so I don't burn myself.

"I made them for you and Wooyoung." I admitted shyly.

"Thank you." He smiled, seeming genuinely touched.

"Of course." I cut a piece out for the both of us and handed him one of the brownies, hoping for the best. "When is Wooyoung coming home?" I asked with my mouth full, but I was polite enough to cover it with my hand.

"No clue." He said, chewing as well. He took a second glance at the brownie with a satisfied expression and gave me a thumbs up.

"Does he plan on seeing Hyunjin?"

"November is a tough month for him in terms of scheduling. The stress is usually at an all time high. They shoot the spring and summer looks in the fall and winter, and shoot the fall and winter looks in the spring and summer. He comes home freezing and cranky every night so I'm not sure to be honest. I know he wants to, but I doubt it'll work with his schedule. Just the fact that my dad's funeral is on his birthday proves that. Have you seen Hyunjin?"

"Only once - the day he went in." I sighed, thinking of the reason as to why I decided to go that day, but ultimately shying away from it. "Hyunjin's parents are getting bailed out. I went to go tell him but I chose not to."

"How did you find out?"

"Minho."

"How is he taking it?"

"One night with Jisung was all he needed, he's okay."

"Are we going to keep this from Hyunjin?"

I really had to think about it. I don't like keeping things from him, but is it really a good idea to tell him now? I don't intend on keeping it a secret forever, but just for his mental sanity, it may be best.

"For now." I decided. "And if he finds out on his own, we pretend we didn't know."

San gave me a questionable look. "Alright, Wooyoung isn't here and I'll keep this between us. How long did you really know?"

"Twenty minutes before you did." I confessed. "Officially, I mean. I had my suspicions before that. The excessive sweating when we'd be trying to sleep, waking up in the middle of the night, couple nightmares here and there. How did Wooyoung pick up on it?"

"He heard him throwing up once." He shrugged, surprised that was all it took.

"Hyunjin wasn't the one that locked the door, it was me. So I can't help but blame myself for this happening."

"Don't blame yourself when you know he needed it. Regardless of the circumstances, he wasn't ready to let it go."

"I think he wants to be, he just doesn't have any faith in himself whatsoever. But he's almost there, I can feel it."

I believe in what I'm saying, so I really hope it's the truth.