Unconditionally (BOOK 3)

Death Wish

"Hyunjin, wake up!" I jolted awake by a slap across my face. It was Wooyoung. "Jinnie, we need to fucking talk right now before I have a breakdown." He hasn't stopped crying, that much I can tell.

"What happened?"

"You fainted." I looked around and noticed I was in my old room. "You need to tell me what happened to Felix, I'm being serious."

At this point, I had no choice but to tell him.

"They wanted Felix to do the nude shoot and he said no. So Hyun told him to talk to that guy and he said if he slept with him, then he wouldn't have to worry about any of it, but he still said no. Then he said he did a background check on his family in Australia and knows everything. He offered all of it to Felix, but he still refused."

"He had a choice?" Wooyoung's voice cracked, sounding like glass that's just been shattered into a million pieces.

"You didn't?"

Wooyoung shook his head and started to cry all over again. I quickly sat up and held him in my arms as I let my own tears fall.

"He told me the company wanted to set me up in a PR relationship with one of the female models, but I refused. Then he told me that no one says no to him, but I said I didn't care. I probably should've cared just a little."

I knew there had to be another reason. The company had to have known he was gay from the beginning. He just told San that as a cover up.

"Does San know?"

"No, and he's going to fucking leave me if he finds out. So you need to fucking swear on your life that this stays between you and me. Don't you dare tell Felix. You're the only person that knows. But everything all leads back to this: the medication, the stress, the therapy, the suicidal thoughts, the-"

"Wooyoung, are you serious?"

He nodded, feeling ashamed. After everything he's been through with Jimin, his dad, even me. How could he believe suicide is a solution after the way death has affected him so deeply?

"I can't live with this guilt, Hyunjin, you don't understand." He cried. "It's torn me apart every single day because of it. I almost slipped up at New Year's last year too. When I was crying in the bathroom, I told San that I'd be dead if it weren't for him."

"When did it even happen?"

"The week before San and I got engaged."

I wonder if I would've been able to tell. How did San not notice? Wooyoung has a hard time hiding his emotions when it comes to his husband, I just don't understand.

"San won't leave you." If Felix didn't leave me, San won't leave him. If anything, he'd probably march right through the doors of ESteem and rip that man's heart out.

"He won't because I'll never tell him, it's as simple as that. Don't try and convince me either."

"Wooyoung, you've thought about committing suicide for over a year. How am I not supposed to try and convince you?"

"Can you just be my best friend who understands what this is like for a second? Please, I'm begging you." I sighed and laid back down, bringing him with me. Our tears had subsided for the most part. "I've done everything in my power so no one could find out. You know how much San and I have sex, I had to keep up with that because I knew that if I didn't, he'd think he did something wrong. But it's me, I did something wrong. It's also part of the reason why I was able to start gradually trusting you. I started to understand what that must've felt like that night. You were stronger than I gave you credit for the entire time. And I'm so fucking sorry for bringing Felix into this. I didn't want to say no to him because I didn't want him to doubt himself, or to think I didn't believe in him. I knew he'd be a great model. But I continuously blocked Felix out of my mind when I thought about who could replace me because I knew what he went through as a kid, I didn't want him to be put in that position again. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry."