Unconditionally (BOOK 3)

The Choice of Life

We've been home for over an hour, but instead of going back to bed, we went to the living room. Technically it was only me that decided to sit on the couch rather than lay in bed and Felix just followed. I'm sure he could sense something was bothering me.

"Can we talk about something?" I stared blankly at the floor, too afraid to look him in the eye. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was already sweating.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" He turned to me, seeming concerned. "Is there something bothering you?" I nodded. "What's going on?"

"Well, Seonghwa and Hongjoong are one step away from diving into the adoption process, San and Wooyoung said they'll start when they're 30. But what about you? Where do you stand on all of that?"

"For them or for us?"

"For us."

Felix quickly realized we've never talked about it before. It's always been 'live together and get married', then that was the end of it. We never talked about our future after those two steps.

"I've always wanted kids."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a pit grow in my stomach. Not because I didn't already know, but because I know I'm about to really upset him.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Do you?"

"No." I whispered and shook my head, still not having it in me to look at him.

"Oh." The hurt in his voice was evident. I hated it. "Can I ask why?"

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. This conversation is only going to get worse from here. "I can see myself as a babysitter, not someone who has to do it as a full time job."

"Hyunjin, it doesn't have to be an infant."

"Then what's the point?"

The second I said it, I regretted it immediately. I don't think I've ever said anything so fucking stupid in my life.

"Alright." Felix nodded. "Hyunjin, I love you so much, but I need to go for like an hour or something." He stood up off the couch and left the living room.

"Felix, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." I panicked.

"I'm sure you didn't." He turned around. "But that doesn't change how it sounded to me. I just...I'll be back."

I knew the best thing was to let him leave. I'm not going to fight with him and beg him to stay over that. He has every right to want to rip my head off and kick it like a soccer ball. I'm such an idiot.

Hyunjin
Felix is most likely going to your house right now so just be prepared

Woo
Why???

Hyunjin
I fucked up

Woo
Already?

Hyunjin
We started talking about kids and how I don't want any but then he was saying how they don't have to be an infant

Then I said what's the point...

Woo
Hyunjin...

Hyunjin
I know...

Woo
Did you forget his entire life story or were you only thinking about yourself

Hyunjin
Myself because I'm a fucking asshole