Deceived Me

Chapter 6:

Alice was stunned by her outburst. Stella screamed at her with tears and that has never happened before. So she was startled.

" What? Tell me! Do you know Alice, in this five years of separation, there wasn't a single moment when I didn't think about you. Alice, sometimes I missed you so much that I felt like dying. Since I don't drink alcohol or such, I felt like going crazy. Do you know what I did then? I picked up the cigrates? Can you believe that? The person who used to hate the smell of cigarettes, that same person has smoked packets of cigarettes in one night in your memories."

Stella's tears were falling out as if a dam broke. She seemed to have had enough.

" What have you turned me into? What kind of love is this? One feels like dying and other says they have moved on... "

" Stop it! Don't talk about dying." Alice said anxiously as she averted her eyes.

" Why should I? I can't. Alice, I can forgive you for all you've done but I really don't think I can let you go again. I beg you, hmm, please, please for my sake, no for the sake of what you love the most, please don't disappear again. I feel like, I feel like your gonna disappear if I start doing this. That if I keep coming to see you, you will push me away again. Alice, I can't bear it once more so please... Please stop lying to yourself. Please accept that you love me..."

" I won't disappear. I promise. But I really don't love you anymore so please, try to move on so that I don't have to feel this you. You're just making me feel guilty."

" Hah! Seriously Alice. Just what is your problem?! Do you lie to yourself or are you lying to me? What'd you say? You don't love me? Then right here, promise me, when I die, you won't come to my funeral! Say that and I'll leave 'cause either way, I'll die without you one day."

Alice's mind froze when she heard her. She said... She said she should not go to her funeral.

The moment she recalled her lover's lifeless body flashed in her eyes, her skin went pale. Just the thought of that day filled her eyes with tears and all her resolve collapsed.

" Shut up! Just shut up, Stella."

" Does it hurt, Alice? Do you feel scared at the thought of it? I felt too. When you disappeared like that, I felt it too. Only after many efforts did I find out that you were alright and just left to go abroad for studies."

Stella wanted to say a lot more but she stopped. When Alice's first tear fell, she stopped. After a moment, she come forward and wiped her tears gently with one hand. Alice looked at her with so much pain that her heart felt like breaking.

" ...You know Alice, the day I saw you sad for the first time, when you misunderstood me and were wallowing in pity all alone as if you were an abandoned puppy, that day I swore something to myself. I said hell come down, I'll never let a single tear drop from this beautiful face. But today, here I am making you cry with so much pain. I am such a failure as a lover, aren't I? Just what was wrong with me that you have to push us to this limit when you still love me? Am I such a bad lover that the person who loves me is unwilling to be with me? Am I so undeserving of your love?" Stella backed away with a collapsed expression.

Looking at her, Alice felt her heart collapsing too. She moved forward and tried to hold her on. She grabbed her hand and wiped her tears.

" No. It's not like that. Please don't think less of yourself. Don't blame yourself. Just forgot it. Please!"