Deceived Me

Chapter 14:

She sat down beside her friend Hannah. Just like her, Hannah was also different from others. She didn't like drinking or this atmosphere but she drunk as it's common in her family.

They become friends because they suited each other. Stella doesn't like persuasive or obsessive friends. She wanted a simple friendship where they could help each other and call each other in need.

Hannah was the perfect one. She was also a nerd. But different from her, she was a true nerd. A bookworm as you call it. She would always have a book or novel in her hand. She was tall and looked strong. She was the type people wouldn't offend. She looked reserved but she does talk with everyone. She was a surgeon. She was going to become a surgeon.

" What's wrong? You seem to have something in mind."

" Is it that obvious?" Stella smiled in defeat.

" Well, you asked to come to a party you wouldn't attend in normal days. You are also lost in thoughts. You seem like your forcing yourself to stay here."

Stella chuckled at herself. Hannah looked at her seriously. She was waiting for her to speak.

" I see. Nothings wrong actually. It's just that, having something so close that you can touch it with a stretch if your hand but then realising your hand is never reaching it no matter how hard you try to stretch, it feels terrible. It makes me feel like everything is so bland in life. If that thing could at least be okay, then it wouldn't be hard. But that thing is definitely not fine. It is broken in pieces. I can pick up the pieces and join them together. Yet I can't reach it."

Hannah didn't say anything and just listened to her. Stella sighed and got up.

" I am going out for a smoke."

" I thought you were trying to quit."

" Yeah well how many times I tried and how many times did I succeed?"

" But this time you broke the record. You didn't smoke for more than six months."

" I know. And this time, I wanted to stop no matter what. But I feel so empty yet so frustrated that if I don't smoke, I feel like I will life my mind and even take a step back. If I give up, then I won't be able to get up again. I'll lose trust in myself."

" ... I'll accompany you."

" No need. You don't like the smell."

" Doesn't matter." Hannah picked up her coat and they went out.

Stella took out a new Melbourne cigarette pack. She opened it and took out one. Hannah asked her.

" You threw out the cigarettes. When did you buy a new one?"

" At lunchtime. From a nearby shop."

" You planned when to smoke? You even brought your special lighter?"

" No. I've just been carrying the lighter for a few days. Since I've been getting the urge to smoke again. I finally lost control and brought the cigarettes. When I held them, I really wanted to just open it and smoke. But I held back. Then I was disappointed and got sad. So I came with you. I was trying to not smoke and get mixed up with the crowd but I couldn't. As soon as I sat down and started talking, I just wanted to smoke."

Hannah listened to her and took her lighter. She helped her burn the cigarette. The moment Stella smoked, a relief washed over her body. She held the cigarette and smoked again and again with a faraway look in her eyes.

" Do you want to tell me what happened?" Hannah asked her.

" No. Not yet. Once I've... Once I win or lose, then I'll tell you."

" What will you do if you lose?"

" I don't know. I'll just... I'll live I guess." Stella smiled sadly.

Hannah didn't say anything more. Stella smoked two cigarettes before going back. They talked and have fun. They played truth and dare. Since Hannah didn't drink, her punishment was to perform something if she lost. Fortunately, her chance only came once but it was enough to spoil her mood.

" So, tell us about the person who you really liked but couldn't get together with. There must be someone like that so don't give excuse. Most of us goes through a crush like that."

The question made her speechless. She didn't know how to answer. After a while, she said.

" There is someone for whom I was once ready to give up my life. That person was the most good looking person in my life. The time we spent was small but the memories of her are vivid. That special someone of my life was the most intelligent, wise and kind person I've ever met."

The others made teasing voices at her but Stella just smiled lightly. Hannah looked at her friend. Soon after, Stella excused herself.

" Where are you going?"

" I am going home."

" Why? You said you wanted to stay the night."

" I don't want to anymore. I want to go back."

" Okay then I'll come with you. You didn't bring your car."

" No. You stay. Someone will come to pick me up."

" ...I see. Then make sure to stay safe. Text me when you reach home and call me if you need anything."

" Yeah. Let's meet again. Just the two of us. And take care."