Deceived Me

Chapter 16:

Alice went inside in a daze. She slumped down on the sofa in living room. After a long time, she got up and walked to her room in low spirits. She washed up with lost thoughts.

As she laid down on the bed, all the events in the past few days played in her eyes. She didn't only see Stella's love in words. She witnessed her love in small little things. Small actions of Stella that proved her love for her.

Like her stealing glance at her. Like how she secretly tries to touch her hand. Like how she keeps an eye on how much she's eating or like how she's protecting her from any possible when they are walking on the street. Like how she gives up everything the moment her single tear fell.

Then she recalled Stella's words. She knew Stella really meant what she said. She knew it but last time, that time also she had said such words that made her fall all over for her and they were right out of her heart. So how was she to believe the same fate won't repeat this time.

But the worst thing is, she is becoming weak against Stella's words. So weak that her heart is begging her to just get up and ran with all might to Stella. So much that she has to fight her hearts desire with all her might.

Her heart is very fragile. Every moment it sees Stella, every moment it feels Stella's love, it hears her voice, her heart falls head over heels for her. It loses all rationality and tries to convince her to go back with such excuses that even if she leaves her again, at least she can spend amazing time with her. That she can create amazing memories for them.

' Oh God, how am I supposed to fight this burning desire? How am I to stop it from bursting one day? How can I stop myself from jumping into this pit of hellfire knowingly? Please help me... '

Meanwhile, after leaving Alice, Stella took a bath and changed into night dress. She laid down to sleep but couldn't sleep. She remembered her mighty words and everything else. How Alice had stiffened? If Alice will really never come back to her. All those thoughts make a mess in her mind.

She sat up on the bed and took out the cigarettes she bought. She went to her balcony and took out a cigarette. She held it in her mouth as she lighted the lighter with a flick. She stood while resting her arms on the railing. She looked into the empty and dark sky and wondered.

' I talked so big. I said I'd let her go when she stops loving me. I said I'll leave her then. But the mere thought of her loving someone else, her not loving me anymore kills me. God if such a day will come, I feel like running away so far that I'll never know. How will I ever let her go? She's my life, my breath, my feelings. She's my everything. How will I ever survive without her?'

Stella inhaled and exhale the smoke. The puffs of smoke blocked her view for a moment. She sighed and looked up at the sky.

' God, if you exist, then please, please gave her back to me. Give the love of my life back to me. If you really writes our destiny beforehand, then please write me in her destiny. Please let us be each others fate. I can do anything for her. I really loves her a lot. I can't imagine a life without her. So please let her accept my love. Please bring her back in my life... I've never commit a sin so big that I am being punished like this. There is nothing worse than the torture I lived the past years she was missing. Every breath of mine was thinking if I deserve to breath when I don't know how she is. I am so, so upset with her leaving like that but I can't for the life of me even bear to get angry with her. It hurts me so much to even get angry at her. Please save me from this horrible pain.'