never fall for brown eyes // Pedri

chapter 75 - Pedri's pov

Ever since I was a kid I've only loved two things; my family and football. When others were crushing on girls and trying to get their attention, I was kicking a football every chance I got. For the longest time I thought I was lucky to fall in love with a sport so much that it consumed me and all my thoughts. While my friends were falling in love with girls and getting their own hearts broken, I was pursuing my dream. Although I did start getting more and more attention from girls as I started playing for Las Palmas and it only skyrocketed when I moved to Barcelona, I never fell for anyone.

Not until I met Madeline. The girls I was with before were temporary fun and that was all I wanted. Hell, Madeline was supposed to be one of them when I first met her in that club in Barcelona.

Her dazzling eyes and breathtaking smile drew me in from the beginning. Of course she looked beautiful, but it was the twinkle in her eyes and her mischievous smile that separated her from the other girls and captured me. I first saw her when she was ordering drinks by the bar. She was talking with the bartender and he said something that made her laugh. It was like the rest of the club faded away and she was the only person I could see. That had never happened before. Not even when I've met some famous models at events.

When I saw her again on the balcony, I knew I needed to talk to her. To figure out why I was so attracted to her. And when I finally got to talk to her, a part of me knew she'd never leave my mind. And that turned out to be true.

It was also the thing that made me run away from her and my feelings. Thinking it was better to be alone than feel something as strong as my passion for football. I never imagined losing her for good would feel like this. A constant throb in my chest and numbness that I could not escape from. Like my body and mind are missing something that's supposed to be there. Like I've lost a limb and my brain doesn't realise it but rather keeps sending pain signals.

I made a decision, a bad one, and now I have to live with it. I know she won't forgive me, hell I wouldn't forgive myself either. Even my mum gave me a lecture after she learned what I'd done. Telling me that she didn't raise a coward and that I should fix things while I still can. But the truth is, I don't know if I can fix this.

I wish I was more like Gavi. He's so young and naive, yet he's way braver than me. When he met Evelynn he didn't try to hide his feelings or fight them. He truly believes he can have both love and football without any sacrifices. While I'm starting to think he might be right, I know relationships take a lot of work, especially if professional sports are included in the mix.

I'm not just being selfish, but I'm also thinking about Madeline. She deserves so much more than a boyfriend who's barely home and with whom she'd have to give up a part of her private life. Social media can be cruel and I want to protect her from all the nasty remarks and comments she'd be bound to get if she was with me. Although I'm grateful for all that football has given me, private life is something I miss. Especially now that I've met her. Even though her brother is freaking Mason Mount, they've managed to keep Madeline out of the limelight. I didn't even know Mason Mount had a sister to begin with. But to be fair I wasn't really interested in Mason before to even properly know anything about him.

I've seen how anxious Madeline gets in big crowds and in front of a lot of people. I know she doesn't mind being in big crowds when no one recognises her, but with me that would be almost impossible. I can't be the reason she gets anxious and has to live in the public eye. I don't want to cause her that discomfort. So it's better for me to give her up, right?