I used to tell myself I'd never be like my parents
That's I'd be kind, understanding, and always
Always
There for those who need me
I used to tell myself
But as I grow up
I realize that I am the carbon copy
The perfect blend of a hurricane and a volcano
The anger and fight
The sadness and flight
The broken pieces of each
The father and mother
I have my father's eyes
My father's anger
His ability to leave everything and everyone
His insecurities
His recklessness
His unmotivated self
I have my mother's looks
Her voice
Her "never show all of who you are"
Her back and forth
Her medical issues
Her mental illnesses
Her words rattling in my head
I used to tell myself that
If I was smarter, worked harder, loved deeper
I'd break the cycle
The cycle that has haunted me
Since the first time I took a breath
The cycle of pain
Grief
Sabotage
Follows me everywhere I go
Seeps into my words
My action
My fears
My parents perfect little storm
