I would have loved you if you had let me
Just once
I could have been there
I wanted to be there
The truth is
At my core
I loved you anyways
I loved you so much
Loved you so much that i ripped myself into shred
Over it
Because of it
I etched your indifference into my skin
Felts the groves of your words over my skin
Your boredom and wish wash attitude
The very knife
Whittled myself into something i thought
You would like
Could possibly love
Would appreciate
Would desire
Would be enough to have you stay
I twisted myself into knots
To be easy
Manageable
I tossed my standards
Expectations
The ones i gathered from countless hours reading and watching movies
Where they always end up together
Into a grave and left them to rot
Because they didn't matter as long as you were mine
And in the end, did it matter?
Did you stay?
Did you catch me
Did you take my bloodied hands
And say enough
I would have
Could have
Loved you if you had let me
I had said as you had left
Splitting
Breaking
As you left anyways
But when i looked in the mirror
And saw my reflection
All the missing parts of me
All my scarred and ragged flesh
All the parts that i twisted trying to be what you want
And my heart, remolded into
The very shape
I spent hours starring at
Felt
The shape of your mouth
Because yes
Oh yes
There is no doubt
I loved you
Anyway.
