Why weren't you able to trust me?
Why weren't you able to love me?
Trust that I was working in the shadows
Trust that I was changing and doing stuff quietly
Trust that I was saying what needed to be said
Trust me anyways
Love me through the pain
Love me through the hurt
Love me through you distrust
Love me anyways
I gave up so much
I stopped picking my nails and lips for you
I stopped letting my brain distance
I gave you so much
More than I had anyone
I gave you me
I wrote to you
I wrote about you
I wrote in your presence
And watched your reaction
I let you see all the parts I deemed ugly and unworthy
The doubt that seeps into my mind
The never ending thoughts
The scared little girl who was never picked for long
I fell asleep in your arms
I texted you daily
I called you
Willingly
I sent you voice memos
Even though I hated the sound of my voice
Bc I knew that you needed to hear me say "I love you" bc you had a tough day
I introduced you to my cousin
I talked about you to my family
I talked about you with my friends
But
It was never enough
I became "too much"
Too hard to love
To distant
Uncommunicative
All things you praised me for
Turned into the very insults that tear me down
And suddenly yet again
I was the villain
I was the bad guy
I was not enough and too much yet again
Which was weird
Bc you said you wanted to see me all of me
You wanted to love every part of me
But when I gave it to you
You let it fall
You let me fall
Pretending to catch me
I stupidly I fell again
And crashed again
Hopefully I learned my lesson this time
Bc I hurt
All over
I can't describe the pain
Only write about what was done
To wrap my brain around what happened
Bc I thought you'd be my forever
But you were just another lesson
