I used to have the best relationship with him
We would talk daily
I felt his presence
So in turn I committed my life to him
I got baptized
But then
It was like that triggered the devil into doing more to harm me
And instead of getting mad at him, and turning to God for strength
I turned away
I grew anger towards God
First for the bullying he let happen to me
Then for moving me away from my friends
Then for making me the way I am
This broken person
Who blames everything on "diagnosis" or "problems" in their life
Who body isn't built right
And because of that I lost 2 years of my life
Then it was for making me this person who falls for people who won't ever pick her up
For putting people in her life as lessons
Now it's for putting her in my life
This beautiful broken girl
Who came into my life
Who smiled at me
Who built me up again
Who cradled me
Who hung out with me
Who showed me that not every decision has to be for my parents
Who displayed such breathtaking kindness
This girl
Who seemed so perfect for me
I thought God created her for me
But
In actuality I think he built her as a lesson for me
Because all of the good times
Were taken away in a instant
Were blown away by the storm
I don't know why God put her in my life
I don't know what I was supposed to learn
Or do
Or what I keep doing wrong
To keep ending up here
In the dark
In my bed
Alone
Sad
And
Heartbroken
I'm reaching back
But it's hard
After seeing everything you did wrong
And want God's forgiveness
And knowing he'd give it to you
But you know you don't deserve it
And you keep trying to do better
So it seems like you'll deserve it more
But all I seem to do it create a mess
A storm
I miss the girl I was
I miss the relationship I had with God
