You may say that most have their own paradoxes
To where they have contridictuons
Because humans aren't black and white
Life isn't black and white
But
I fear
Paradoxes are all in made up of
I want to be happy
But I seek things that can destroy me
I want love
But push it away when it come my way
I want God
But knowingly sin against him
I hate the person I am
But I made myself this way
I try to tell people "I don't care" or "couldn't care less"
But if I'm being honest
I care too much
I care so much it seems into my bones
Reshapes my cells
Fuels my atoms
I want to heal other
Help others
But break my own heart
And never take advice
I love listening to people
I love when people trust me enough to share deep things
But never share what's on my mind
I can't stand lying
But I don't tell people whole truths
I say what I deem to be acceptable and tolerable
I say "God can forgive anything and everything"
But never listen to that
Instead I wrestle with guilt
Drown myself in sorrows
Never truly believing the words that come out of my pastor's mouth
Words that are meant to pierce my soul
Can't get past my mind
