How do I get over you?
Is it even possible?
no other breakups have felt like this
this is abnormal
its been weeks
months
I've spent some of that time loathing you
despising you
yet
here I am still in love with you
not this person you have become
not the person you become when you feel like the world is closing in on you
not the person who lashes out based on their emotions
not the person who seeks to control everything and everyone around them
but
the person who held me when I cried
and whispered sweet nothings
the person who lay beside me told me how beautiful I was and how they thanked God every day for me being in their life
the person who wanted to build a life
a future
a family
a house
with me
who came to the house when I wasn't feeling well and dropped off a gift for "each of the senses" you said
You deodorant because you knew I loved the way you smelled
a picture of you
voice memos of you saying "I Love You"
your favorite hat and blanket
and Dr.Pepper (my favorite drink)
I love(d) you
still do
I can't seem to let go of you
it'll hit me at random points in the day
a memory will replay in my mind
and the grief of losing you overcomes me
and I can't talk about it
or
more or less
won't talk about it
for I know it'd be quite annoying
and I know what others would say
"get over him"
"that part of him never existed"
"How are you caught up on a 2-week romance?"
but
I can't help it
I've tried
doing all the things that worked previously with other people
but it never works or sticks
I am still left
hurt
just like the day you left
and what hurts the most
is not knowing if that part of you was real
or if I fell in love with a ghost
for you haunt my dreams
will unfulfilled promises of the "perfect life"
you haunt my waking hours
with your disembodied voice
ringing with the promises never to be seen
I have always loved haunted houses
who knew you'd make me one
empty and numb
filled with darkness and every fear imaginable
where my anxiety runs rampant
and there is no conceivable way out
