Since before I could remember I have loved love
In the movies
In books
The types of stuff that oozed happiness
I have always wanted that kind of love
I would do every trick in the book to get some good karma so I could be loved
Making a wish at 11:11
Praying
Trying so hard to be whatever they needed me to be
But it never seemed to work
Again and again
I was left
Left wondering why
Why can't someone love me
Why can't somebody just see me
Why wasn't I good enough
What could I do better
All these questions filled my head
And I never came up with good enough answers
All I knew was that I loved love
Then you came along
You were so beautiful
Cute
The definition of my type
So I took a leap
Thinking maybe
Just maybe this time I'll be caught
For a brief second, I was
Then it came crashing down
But
Unlike anyone else who has captured my attention
You didn't fade away
You stayed in my mind
Plaguing my mind
The same questions came back
Why can't someone love me
Why can't somebody just see me
Why wasn't I good enough
What could I do better
So I tried for 2 years I tried
Then finally
Finally
I got you
I got to hold you
Kiss you
Dreams seemed to turn into reality
But
Yet again
It was taken away
One would think I would have learned my lesson and walked away
But those few moments of happiness
Love
Attention
Clung to me
I could still feel the phantom happiness
And before u realized I became reliant
Addicted
So
Began
My search
I would look for you in anything
Class
Hallways
Cars
You name it
I would see so many things that reminded me of you
I thought this would be enough to ease the yearning
But instead, it feeds it
Then for the last time
You came back
You said all the right things
Did all the right things
Wrote all the right things
And to be honest
I was scared
Scared that if I were to jump and feel that happiness again
I wouldn't recover
I would feed that aching hole inside of me
Fill it
Then remember what it feels like to me the whole
Then be smashed again
But
I read
And I ventured
I dreamed
Of what could be
Of what had been
And saw the beauty in the pain
I fell again
Deeper
Harder
Giving it my all
Now I'm hoping
Praying wishing
I will stay caught
I will stay loving this love
