Why is it when someone says
I care about you
I love you
I'll stay
The first thought that pops up is
Until you see the mess I am
The broken mess of
Emotions
Insecurities
Thoughts
Self-destruction
Until you find out that all I'm made up of is
Lies
Doubt
Anger
Until you see I am not good for you
Until you hear what I have done to others
Hear my incessant complaining
Until you find that I don't work to better myself
I am addicted to my own melancholy
All these thoughts rage through my mind
Festering my hopes
Destroying connection
The pile on top of one another
Distorting my vision
Changing my mind
And you want to know what's worse?
I know it's happening
I'm self aware
I know when and how
But I can't seem to stop
Stop myself from this endless cycle
So I keep building
Walls
Thorns
Anything to keep others out
