𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫

1- 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄

I woke up from that dream, a dream that still haunts me. It leaves me freaking out, panicking, and gasping for breath. This has been the worst phase of my life, flashing back in my dreams, making me hate my life even more.

Like every day, I woke up, made my bed, took a deep breath, and prepared to start another day. I started the music from my playlist. It helps me enjoy the daily chores, like organizing my room and closet, which I do almost every day because I'm a "keep things as they should be" kind of girl. I want everything to be perfect. Without music, it would take me 2-3 hours to finish because I would get tired and bored repeatedly.

Music began to play. "Lag Jaa Gale Ke Phir Ye Haseen Raat Ho Na Ho... Shayad Phir Is Janam Mein Mulakaat Ho Na Ho..." This was the first song of my day. I felt exhausted, not from an hour-long workout session, but from my life, my overthinking, my anxiety.

The thing was, I broke up with my ex a week ago. He dumped me. Yes, he did. I have accepted the reality, but I was more saddened by the thought: was I really not enough? I don't think love is for me. Or maybe the love I want doesn't exist. I don't want any other man in my life now. I just want to explore myself. Yes, I am in my "I don't want any man" phase.

I got up, cleaned my room a bit, organized, did some journaling, and got into the shower. As the hot water droplets fell on me, a sense of relaxation washed over my body.

I want to feel this kind of warmth in someone's arms. I want love. I want to be loved, but I don't think I will find someone who loves me the same way I do.

I want the kind of love written about in books, a love that is out of this world, one that no one has ever experienced and never will.

I want to experience that love where he finds beautiful meanings to my name, where he tells me I looked beautiful sleeping last night even though he didn't see me but imagined me, where he puts my hair behind my ear, cups my face, and says nothing, just looks at me with love in his eyes. Where I'll be more excited for his birthday than my own. Where he'll get excited about the lipstick marks on the letters I wrote him. Where he'll text me after we meet to tell me what he loved the most. Where we talk about anything without making sense. Where he'll write me a long good morning text because my yesterday wasn't good, and he wants to make sure my today is better. Where he'll randomly talk about how our first kiss felt, even after years. I want that love and nothing less.

Anyone can change for someone they want, and the truth was that he didn't want me. Neither did I ask him to change, nor was I the one who fought. He was the one who constantly fought over random reasons just to create a big fight and find a reason to break up with me. And he got that.

Fuck him.

Maybe I wasn't enough to match his level. And why the fuck do I constantly come back to thinking about love?

Hey, my little brain, you need to stop thinking about love and get back to your daily life.

I got out of the shower and put on a bathrobe. I planned my day in my head. I had meetings that were delayed because I couldn't cope with my work. I had to meet my friends, whom I couldn't hang out with for all these days because I didn't feel like it.

I also had to meet a new person in our "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" family. Actually, he was only new to me. He was my friend's friend.

My friend group has six members:
Me, my best friends Sridhi and Kainaat, Sridhi's boyfriend Aayan, Kainaat's boyfriend Rian, and that new-to-me guy Sidharth.

Actually, all the boys were school friends. They all joined the same college that I joined, except the new-to-me guy named Sidharth. He moved to New York because of his father's business.

He completed his higher studies there. We completed our studies here, and we are all getting very good starts in the professions we chose for ourselves.

I have never talked to Sidharth personally. It has always just been a casual "hi" from both sides on video calls that Aayan made. Actually, Aayan, Sidharth, and Rian were close friends, and Sridhi, Kainaat, and I joined this college. We became best friends, and these girls got these good guys for themselves.

But no one from my friend group knew about my relationship or my breakup. It wasn't like I wasn't comfortable telling them.

I wanted to, but my ex always wanted me to stay quiet because he didn't want anyone from our college to know about our relationship. College ended a month ago, and so did my relationship. He just used me to pass the time.

Forget him again!

Coming back from the thought, I realized that I was getting late for my meetings. I dressed in a simple office outfit, paired it with simple earrings, and slipped into my heels.

The look:-

I went down to our hall where everyone was seated. I had my breakfast, bid a sweet goodbye to my mother and father, and playfully slapped my brother on the head, sticking out my tongue at him. I grabbed the keys to my G-Wagon (not mine...it was a gift from my father on my birthday because I always wanted one, but one day I will buy one on my own). I got into the car and headed to work!

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