like a volcano | minsung (and a hell lot of other ships) ✓

𝑓𝑖𝑓𝑡𝑦-𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛.

The following day did not prove to be any better. His parents called again, and were suspicious, when Minho and Jisung accidentally, out of habit, acted sus.

It was horrible. There was no way. They'd be arriving in days- and Minho was so not ready. It was getting inevitable. The solution. It circled above them like a phantom of death; looming closer on them, creating walls of thin ice between the couple.

Both Jisung and Minho knew they reached a dead end. Jisung kept telling Minho how delusional he was thinking everything would be okay after this. It sure wouldn't.

After another fight, Jisung went outside. He couldn't bear it anymore. Plugging his headphones in, he wandered in the streets, locking himself in his music, blending into the heavenly sound. He couldn't help the tears falling on his cheeks, at the end of everything, he had to feel unwanted and a piece of shame. It was unbearable.

Really, all he ever wanted all these years was love. That was all he asked for. But maybe it was too greedy. Too much to ask for. Even after being loved, he still felt unloved. It was his parents situation all over again...

He breathed. No, Jisung, you're stronger than this! You can do this. You don't need anyone to prove your worth for you, you have to know it!

The situation didn't get better at dinner. Another quarrel of Jisung feeling like shit and Minho trying his best to communicate with him but failing miserably.

"It's now time to choose, Minho! Do you love me?" Jisung finally asked.
"I... Why would you ask that!" Minho retorted.
"Answer my question!"

Minho was done. So done. There was no choice. This could never work out this way.

"No." Minho said, even when his heart shrieked at him otherwise.
"What?" Jisung asked, taken aback.
"I don't love you." Minho stood up, not making eye contact.

"Look at me, Minho. Look at me!" Jisung shouted at him. His heart was breaking, bit by bit, into a million small pieces.

Gathering all the courage he had, Minho made eye contact with Jisung, managing not to break down in tears, managing not to cry.
"You heard me. I don't love you. You were an experiment." Minho lied. Right after the words came out of his mouth, he regretted saying them. Really, it was a spur of the moment thing.

"I.." Jisung was dumbfounded. "You're lying. I know you are.."
"I'm not. I'm not lying Jisung. I... Why don't you just believe me! I don't want your depressed ass! I figured I don't like boys. And definitely not you! You're weird and pathetic. I don't want to continue this relationship." Minho knew he couldn't speak and keep his guard up for a long time, he wanted everything to end quickly.

He wanted to die.

"You're lying..." Jisung still couldn't believe him.
"Didn't you hear me? Are you hard of hearing, Jisung? I said fuck off!" Minho hoped desperately that Jisung didn't hear the crack in his voice. The knife lying within his arm's reach seemed like the only appropriate thing to hold, to stab himself with. So that he won't feel the hurt in his heart.

I'm only doing this for your safety. I know we're not destined, and for you, even if I have to love you from afar, I will. I'm prepared to even kill myself for you. And that's what I'm doing. You're my sole purpose for living, Jisung, if something happened to you I'll die. And I'm still dying, even if you're okay. I'm sorry, Jisung. But you'll have to go. We can't remain 'us'.

And these were the words that got stuck in his throat and when his first teardrop fell, Jisung wasn't there to wipe or kiss it. He was already far away.

You're better off without me, Jisungie.

----------
"I'm gonna boycott this McDonald's and KFC and Starbucks- and- what are the other brands, Seungmin?" Changbin counted off his fingers and asked.