The Sweetest Scheme of Fate (Defying Fate Trilogy #1)

Chapter 10: Truths and Heartaches

Ayoko nang malabo. Gusto ko malinaw sa akin ang lahat ng bagay. Ayoko rin nang magulo. Gusto ko naiintindihan ko ang lahat ng mga nangyayari sa paligid ko. I want everything clear. Hindi 'yung may dapat na pala akong malaman ay tinatago pa 'yun sa akin. Pero, mas mabuti nga palang hindi mo na lang alam ang lahat, kasi kung kailan mas dumadami ang nalalaman mo ay du'n ka lang mas maguguluhan. Malilito. At masasaktan.

I love you with every minute, with every second and with every heartbeat. I've loved you for years and I will always love you with every day of forever.

I heard Hanns say repeatedly inside my head. Hindi 'yun maalis-alis sa utak ko at litong-lito na talaga ako dahil sa mga sinabi niya. Hindi naman kasi ako tanga para hindi maintindihan ang mga 'yun. Pero, hindi niya dapat maramdaman ang kung ano mang nararamdaman niya para sa akin, isip-isip ko.

He sounded so sincere while whispering those words at the top of my head that I thought I heard his voice crack. Or it really did? Did he really cry? He just continued to speak as I listened to his steady heartbeat. I was about to open my mouth to say something, even though I had no idea what to say, but he was fast asleep. His breathing evened the moment the words spilled out from his mouth and I stiffled my sobs.

I was in denial. I absolutely understood what he meant but I paid no heed on my thoughts because I didn't want to come up to a conclusion for what was running inside my head by that time was too ridiculous. Too ridiculous that even I couldn't seem to stand the idea. I couldn't stand my thoughts because my heart totally loved what I heard from him. And that's what made me torn. Torn between comfronting him and burst into unreasonable anger or wallowing myself into a sea of confusion because his words felt so divine in my own ears.

Hindi naman siguro siya in love sa akin. Baka 'yung tinutukoy niyang pagmamahal ay 'yung pagiging magpinsan namin. I tried to convince myself repeatedly pero kahit ako ay ayaw maniwala sa pep talk na ginagawa ko sa sarili ko. Alam ko naman kasing hindi lang pagmamahal ng pinsan ang gusto niya mula sa akin. Higit pa du'n. Matagal ko ng ramdam na may kakaiba sa kanya kapag ako ang kasama niya at unti-unti nang lumilinaw ang lahat ng hinala ko ngayon. Pero, hindi ka pa rin naman talaga sigurado d'yan sa mga iniisip mo, Denisse kasi hindi naman niya direktang sinasabi sa'yo na gusto ka nga niya. Kailangan mong makasigurado at h'wag 'yung nag-a-assume ka lang, my mind told me and I expelled a heavy breath.

"What are you thinking?" I was pulled out from my musings when Hanns spoke. I looked and smiled at him.

"I'm thinking about you," I nonchalantly replied and he laughed softly. I was serious. I was really thingking about him, about what he said last night and about the strange feelings I was having towards him and I was glad that it registered to him like I was only joking. Kung hindi, maglalaslas na talaga ako sa sobrang hiya. Baka akalain pa niya lagi ko siyang iniisip kahit totoo naman.

"Gwapong-gwapo ka na naman sa akin, ano? Ang gwapo ko talaga!" nakangiti at pabirong sabi niya.

"Ang kapal! Ang kapal, kapal talaga!" I exclaimed at natawa kaming pareho.

"Hannah, h'wag mo ng i-deny na nagwa-gwapuhan ka talaga sa akin. Ano namang mawawala kung sabihin mo ang totoo, hindi ba? Hindi naman ikakasakit ng loob ko kahit oras-oras, minu-minuto o kahit na segu-segundo mo pang sabihin na gwapo ako kasi totoo naman. Matagal ko naman na kasing alam 'yun, eh. Isa pa, ikaw kaya mismo ang nagsabi sa akin kagabi na ang gwapo-gwapo ko. Gigil na gigil ka pa nga sa akin, eh," he said proudly.

"May papel de liha ka ba d'yan?" I asked.

"Bakit?"

"Gagamitin ko lang d'yan sa mukha mo para naman mabawas-bawasan kahit na papaano 'yang self-confidence mo. Nakakalunod na kasi sa sobrang taas, eh! Seven feet ba 'yan, Hanns?" I jokingly said and we both cracked up.