Protector (HotchxMaleOC) (Book2)

Interlude IV

Trigger Warning: Mentions of past traumas, abuse, and sexual assault/rape

*Rossi*

I opened my office door to leave for the day coming face to face with Hotch who looked like he was about to knock on the door. 

"Everything alright, Aaron?"

"Got time to talk?"

I nodded walking back into my office, Hotch following. With the door closed we sat down facing each other. 

"Hotch?"
He was silent. Looked exhausted and not just from the cases and paperwork he's been doing. The late nights that go along with it. 

"Aaron?"

He blinked looking at me. Focusing. 

I waited. Must be something important that he's struggling with. 

"I wanted to apologize for the way I dismissed you the other night. I called for an "outside" perspective on my situation but ended up shutting down when you were giving me that perspective. That advice."

"Aaron, I was bringing up essentially trauma to light that you had recently experienced. I understand the bringing up of your walls. There's more than this apology, right?"

"Yes. The other night, about a month ago, I sat down and basically reviewed my life as if I were someone else. An outsider looking in."

"And what did you find out?"

"A lot of things. One of them being the reason as to why I didn't remove myself from the sexual assault situations with those girls." 

A beat. A breath is needed. 

"Because of Haley."

"I'm not understanding, Aaron, because if it was a way to punish yourself because of Foyet..." 

"No." he immediately stopped my train of thought, "This self-reflection required me to look back on my relationship, my marriage with Haley. I realized just how toxic that relationship was. How emotionally abusive she was. My opinion on certain things like our sex life didn't matter. She was the only one allowed to say no to things. Everything happened on her terms. Even when I wasn't interested. It's something that was on and off while we were dating but then became unspoken law in the nine years we were married. So when similar events happened while I was attending DOMINIC my brain, my mind, my body reverted to the motions that I went through with Haley."

This self-discovery/reflection trip he went on flipped his world upside down. I noticed something was different about Aaron within the last month. His emotions were all over the place. He reigned it in the best he could, but some emotion hit on certain words evoking a reaction from others also minor if you didn't know what you were looking for. 

"I learned/realized that I essentially was in an emotionally abusive relationship with her that included a side of nonconsensual actions. I dealt with that type of environment for a while until her death. I quickly turned the majority of my attention to Jack. Healing. Then Beth came along eventually and what led us to splitting is that I started comparing her to Haley."

"And since then you compare other women you attempt to be with in some way to Haley," I said catching on. 

Hotch's shoulders slumped forward more. He's mentally exhausted. 

"How did you take the news?"

"With at least half a bottle of whiskey." he chuckled. 

"Aaron, was some of this brought on because of the date Mac set you up on?" 

"Partially that. Partially because of things both Mac and you said. Some because I realized how I was affecting others on the team, during cases." 

"And now?" 

"Now, I'm definitely in a better place mentally. Still working on it, but understanding the main reason is helping me to further work through it."

"Enough to try dating again in the future?" 

"More like in the next week." 

"With whom?" 

"The blind date."

"The failed one? How'd that happen?"

"We ended up talking the other night and we both recognized that what went wrong was that we didn't truly know each other enough. We were awkward because our common friend was Mac who set the date up. So we decided a do-over was in order." 

"You have a plan for Jack? Is Jessica coming over?" 

"The plan right now is that Jessica is coming over to babysit. If that changes, I'll let you know."

"I'll keep my night open."