Protector (HotchxMaleOC) (Book2)

16.1

Trigger Warning: Mentions of past trauma and PTSD

*Jacob*

I've been anticipating tonight's activities for the past few days. Even more so after Aaron said he did some research so that he could better understand my kink. I've never truly had a partner take that much care and consideration in me or my kinks. What I like and what I don't.

I knew when I first met Aaron that he'd pay attention to details. He's  profiler and a dad for crying out loud. But now, having him noticing things about me and wanting to learn to make my sexual experience as well as other experiences better, it makes me happy. 

It makes me feel loved. 

Makes me emotional. 

Makes me wonder how I got here.

How I deserve anything that I currently have. 

Breathe Jacob. 

Take several deep breathes. 

Stay in the present. 

I can feel my eyes stinging with tears. I hate that my past still haunts me. Happy thoughts/ happy memories can easily be turned into uncertainty. If I deserve it. If I am actually living them or am i so far lost in a daydream that I'm trying to forget my reality. 

~Knock. Knock~

I blinked back out of my head. 

A breath. 

Therapy helps a little. Mac helps too. 

Working at DOMINIC provides a pretty good distraction. 

Hopefully Aaron can help me, even without him fully knowing that he's doing it. But help me find the rest of me. Keep the Ghosts of my past in the past. 

~Knock. Knock~

Shaking my hands out I start wiping any evidence off my face of tears. Trying to shake the foggy emotional feeling of doubt and self-hatred/doubt.

A breath. 

I opened the door to Aaron. He had a look of concern on his face. 

"Are you okay"

My eyes must be so red. 

The stinging came back and now I'm choked up.

Fuzz is filling my head. 

*Aaron*

Jacob opened the door and I immediately knew something was wrong.

His eyes were red like he'd been crying. 

"Are you okay?" I asked as he backed up from the door allowing me to come inside. 

After I spoke Jacob's eyes filled with tears again, his pupils slightly dilated signifying the beginning of a slip into his subspace. His hands were shaking. I walked him further into the house, closing the door behind me. 

I sat him on the couch. 

"Sweetheart, are you alright?"

A small shake of the head. 

I brought my hands up to hold either side of his face, using my thumbs to wipe away the tears falling out of his eyes. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." He whispered. 

"What would you prefer to do right now?"

He took a breath.