Protector (HotchxMaleOC) (Book2)

18

*Jacob*

Fuck. Today's the day that I have a sit-down conversation with Aaron about me being a Switch and hope to God he doesn't find it weird or leave me for it. 

Hell, I don't even care if he doesn't want to be fucked, I just want him to know all of me. I know that also means I'm going to have to talk with Aaron about some of my past. 

Either way, it's going to be nerve-racking. 

Soul baring. 

I just don't want it to affect our relationship. Granted I know about his past with his wife and how they were together. 

I know about his son. 

His job. 

His teammates. 

How is it fair that I keep him at arm's length? 

He truly only knows about my job and some of the people I work with. 

I shake my head trying to rid my anxiety. Picking up a different task to try and distract myself. It's not helping my nerves by spiraling into the what-ifs. 

What I do know is that I could've worded my message to Aaron better than just sending a 

'Hey we need to talk'

I probably nerved him out in a different way than I'm nerving myself out. Especially after going through the BDSM basics, toys, kinks, etc...

Starting our dynamic.

Why do I always mess things up?

I could just be existing and I do something wrong. 

*Aaron*

Jacob sent me a strange text stating that we need to talk. So maybe not that strange, but maybe I read too much into it. I noticed he's been anxious lately, so I'm sure he just wants to have an important conversation and those were the only words he could give me at the time. 

I knocked on the door as I entered Jacob's apartment, he had given me a key as a just in case, and I found him sitting on the couch hyperventilating. 

My best bet is that he's having a panic attack. Walking over, I crouch down so I'm eye level with him. Slowly I unclench one of his fists that's pressing into his knee. I move it to my chest, exaggerating the movements so that he can follow my breathing pattern. 

We sat like that in silence for a couple of minutes until he started to unconsciously follow my movements more, curling his hand in my shirt. I noticed his eyes starting to unfog a little, coming back to the present. 

"Hey, Sweetheart." I hummed quietly. 

He just blinked at me a couple of times still unfocused. 

"You're okay, Sweetheart. I'm right here. Take your time to catch your breath. I'm not going anywhere."

I just kept reassuring him, letting him know he was okay. That he was safe until I realized he was back with me when he put his hand back in his lap. 

"I'm not breaking up with you." he blurted. 

Apparently he's been stressed about a lot of things for a while. 

"I didn't think you were."

"You didn't?" his voice was small as he tried to read me. 

"No, I knew you were anxious about something. Something important enough that needs a face-to-face conversation and you didn't know how else to word it."