Grow Old Without You (A Camren Story)

Not A Family

Grow Old Without You (Chapter 9)

AN : Trigger Warning on Drugs, Alcohol and Violence.

CAMILA THEN

Darkness. Numbness. That's all I've been feeling for awhile now. Lauren left 8 years ago, but it still feels like yesterday. I numb all the pain away with alcohol, and sex and drugs. I take everything until I don't feel anything anymore, and just forget about my life, even just for a while. I had to escape all the whisperings in my head. I had to escape my own mind, and the only thing to do that is to drown it with all the alcohol I could consume.

I had to get out of this mess. I made this mess, and I'm the only one who could fix this. If I leave, Lana will be happier right? She'll be under Lauren's custody and she'll be happy with her sister. Lauren. My emerald eyed nugget. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused your fragile little heart, love. I'm sorry for letting you suffer, but after this, you'll be happy.

I was scared of the idea of death before. The after life, and whatever happens to your soul or whatever. You know what made me think about death? Freedom. The feeling of the pain and darkness leaving you. Ultimate freedom. Death seemed so beautiful to me now. I'd feel free, and at peace.

I've gathered everything in my room. It was an off day, and ofcourse I was left at home alone. Lana is somehwere, doing something I don't know anymore, and here I am with my favorite toys. I scattered all the pills in the counter as I counted it using my eyes. 1,3,6,12. I think that's enough right. I guess that's okay. I held it in my hands and stared at the smooth white pills, counting everything again. This should be enough.

Did it work? I don't know why but it's not working. Stupid. This is stupid. I'm so stupid. Pain. PAIN. I see a razor on top of the dresser. 3 blades. I broke the plastic, freeing all the metals, hitting the floor. I grabbed it and felt the cold silver metals on my hand. Then I see blood. This feels good. I'm feeling. More. More. More. Darkness. Numbness. I'm gone.

------

Shouting. There's shouting around me.

"Mama, mama. Help"

"Lana, stay outside. Help is coming. Just stay outside okay?"

"No Aunt Dinah. Mama. Blood."

Lana and Dinah. Darkness, numbness.

"Mama, don't leave me."

Darkness, and everything's gone.

------

I woke up in a white, bleach smelling room. This is definitely a hospital. I hear beeping sounds beside me as I saw myself connected to a machine. My arms are covered in bandages. I tried to swallow but my throat burns and it feels like there's hot lova in it. I looked around and see Dinah sleeping on the couch on my right.

"Welcome back to earth, Cabello." Someone said on my left as I turned my head and see Ally sitting on another couch. She was smiling at me, despite the tiredness in her eyes.

"Hi." Whispered as I looked down. I tried to swallow again, but I didn't try to anymore. It was so painful.

"They pumped out everything from your stomach, do you're gonna feel that burn for a while." Ally sadly said a she nervously played with her hands. She hated confrontations, and sadness. This isn't her ideal set up. "We've set up some Doctor's for ---"

"I don't need help. I'm fine." I snarled at her as she shook her head, tears in her eyes.

"Can't you accept the fact that you're not fine, Mila? You haven't been fine in a freaking long time. 9 years to be exact, and this is not healthy. You tried to kill yourself, that is not normal." She screamed at me as I felt my body boil.