Grow Old Without You (A Camren Story)

Darkness

Grow Old Without You (Chapter 19)

CAMILA

I stopped talking to everyone, 'cos they never understood me. They never really get my feelings, and what I wanted in life. I mean, we're still pupeteered around, and orders were said harsher than before. We don't have any choice but to listen and just do whatever they make us do. As for me, I'm isolating myself more, 'cos whatever I do is still wrong in their eyes.

Lana's growing up, and she's becoming more and more like her mom. I'm happy that she's like her mother, and not like me. I wouldn't stand knowing my daughter would be a fuck up like me. She has my mom, and Dinah, and the other girls. She'll be fine. She hates me, everyone does. Even when they say it's okay, and the past is past, I know they hate me for cheating on Lauren. Who wouldn't?

So why did I cheat on Lauren? It wasn't necessarily cheating, if it wasn't consensual right? At that time it wasn't, but after she left me, and when more drugs and alcohol happened, it was definitely was, and I couldn't even deny it to myself. I was stupid, and still am, and I'm paying for it every single day of my miserable Lauren-less life. I lost my bestfriend, my wife, the love of my life.

I miss being happy, I miss coming home to two beautiful daughters and a wife, and just smile and feel free and happy and giddy and whatever words to describe happiness. I'd never experience that again, I know Justin doesn't like that, and I wouldn't want a real relationship with him. I want Lauren. And Kara. Lauren, Lara, Kara. Just my girls, and I'll definitely be happy again.

Speaking of happiness, the last time I was that happy was when Lauren and I found out she was pregnant. After finding the sperm donor weeks ago, we made we followed the doctor's steps accurately, making sure we do it more than once so we could be more sure of the results. Thankfully, the first few tries were succesful. We picked the closest one to my apperance of Mexican and Cuban decent. We actually found the perfect one who was also a musician and a smart ass, which made us pick him. He wanted a close donation, which was a perfect choice for me and Lauren. After all that real happiness, I was wallowed with all the stress, and tiredness of being in the industry. 2 years was all it took to crash down and made my wife leave me. 10 years of more pain after that, and here I am, still debating if I should live or die, again.

Considering I've now met Kara, I have more people to live for. But seeing Lauren happy again, and seeing how they could pass on a real and perfect family makes it easier to pick what side I should play. I should probably do this sooner, since everyone's at the party, celebrating Lo. Everyone that I love is in there, and it makes perfect sense that I don't fit in their perfect little world anymore. Not anymore.

I sat on my car, trying to put my keys to the starter. I drank so much my vision's been super blurred the past couple of hours. I don't even remember how much I downed, how many hits I took, but it felt amazing.

"Go inside the freaking hole!" I screamed, hitting the steering wheel.

"Let me help you." A male voice said as I whipped my head back, that made me 10 times dizzier than I already was.

"Uhm?" I was staring at him intently, as I tried to figurr out who he was. He was kinda big, and his facial hair covers mostly his jawline.

"It's me, Papa. So please, scoot over so I could bring you home." He said as I smiled widely. Papa!

"Papa!" I said getting out of the car and hugging him tight. It's Mike, Lauren's dad. I haven't actually talked to him in more than a year, or even approached him for that matter. I hurt her daughter so much, and I didn't deserve being recognized as their family. I was soaking his clothes as I cried on his sobbing on his chest, the past few days taking it's toll. No one has hugged me like this in years, and there's something about the Jauregui hugs that make you feel secure , and loved.