shattered : loki's story

tolerate it

warnings: mention of sh, mentions of not eating

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

He didn't know what was going on, terrified as he watched himself slip into old habits he swore to step away from.
His nights were restless and as the days went on he rarely left his room unless it was for training or to help his mother.

Everyone realised. Hogun, Volstagg, Thor, Sif and especially Fandral after finding him that night.
Frigga began to realise but denied every thought that crossed her mind, the picture of the blade in his bin haunting her every step, however, she didn't dare to speak of it.

It just grew worse and worse. He swore to his lover he wouldn't do anything to himself.
A lie that burnt on his tongue, betraying his words night after night as he dragged the blade across his arms that grew slimmer over time, he was barely eating a thing.
Every time he tried, even if it was soup, fruit, or even just a slice of anything would end up in the bathroom hunched over the toilet.
It wasn't purposely, his anxiety just twisted and played tricks on his stomach, which left him in agony, fueling off nothing but drinks and caffeine.

It was when he stopped showing up to assist his mother that Fandral gave in and tried to speak to Loki.

He'd spend hours in Loki's room begging him to say at least a single word. He never raised his voice, but it cracked and strained with desperateness.

"Loki please say something."
He Begged

"Loki please..."

Loki would sit on his bed, hands wrapped around his stomach as he clung onto his sleeves in case they rolled up at any point.
He wanted to speak, his heart shattered hearing his lover's voice cracking as he begged him to answer.
He didn't understand how he stayed, how he didn't grow angered by his, what he thought was to be, childish behaviour.
The God felt weak, pathetic... cursed by his father's downgrading words.
All he could do was sit and watch his lover tolerate it.

It was one night during the late spring that left them twisted in each other's arms.

Fandral brought him up some food, he knew he wouldn't eat it but for the past few weeks, he wouldn't fail to leave a plate of something on his bedside table.

He stared at his lover's pale figure, he looked ill. He was ill.

Fandrals POV

I sat on the end of his bed, staring at Loki's small back as he curled around his blankets facing away from me.

"Darling.."
I begin as a whisper.

He hums quietly.

It was something at least.

"I love you."

Lokis's breath hitched, and he remained quiet.

"Loki I love you."
I say again, louder this time.

"I.."

No reply.

3rd person

Fandral just sits there, cold in the dark room.
A sob breaks through the room as he brings his knees to his chest, covering his face with his hands as the tears stream down his face.

"s..say something... please."

He begs as he chokes on his tears.
He began to question if his Loki was still his Loki.

"lo-"
Fandral begins to speak again, however is cut off as he feels his boyfriend's bony hands wrap around his waist.
Loki sat behind him, a leg beside each of his lovers as he nuzzled his head into Fandral's neck which was wet with tears.

Loki's voice is soft. It was shaking and weak.

"I love you more my darling"
He whispers as he places soft kisses on the soldier's neck.

Fandral lets out a breathless laugh as he lies against Loki's chest.

"God I thought I lost you"
He whispers.

"You've always got me."
Loki whispers.

Fandral turns to face his partner, taking his face in his hands

"it's you who needs me at the moment my darling"
He says as his forehead presses against Loki's, stroking his cheek with his thumb

Loki hums, leaning into his beloved's hands.

"Need you."
He muttered tiredly.

"I'll always need you."

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Sorry for how poorly written this chapter is, I have like forgotten how to write today.

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