shattered : loki's story

deserving

Weeks. It had been weeks since the incident however the tension between us still held me on strings like a puppet. Arguments after arguments and mocking silent treatment as I begged him to tell me why he doesn't believe me, why he isn't listening to me, why he wont...

"answer me!"

I broke, stood next to what I called my lover but at this time was a ghost in my desperate presence. 

"Please... gods Fandral I cant..."

He didn't let me finish my sentence as he walked silently out the dimmed room.

I feel tears well in my strained, burnt eyes. Why doesn't he know how much I truly loved him, the words where strangled in my throat, destined to be said but never to be done.

"Fandral."

My voice faintly whispers.

"nobody will listen to me,"

He froze, not daring to turn to look at me but he was listening.

"I needed air that night, I went outside, as I've told you so many damn times, too many times. She forced herself on me and I did everything Fandral. Everything to get her away from me. But I couldn't. I love you, I swear to Valhalla above I love you more than anything and I cant keep getting beaten by this, excuse of a relationship."

my voice trails as the words spill from my mouth.

"why cant you love me anymore like how I love you... why cant you-"

He turned slowly to face me, chewing his lip as he bounced on the tip of his feet anxiously.

"I do love you."

He says and my eyes widen longingly,

"Loki."

He begins, his words came out strained which sunk in my heart.

"the night she kissed you."

I nod.

"I didn't understand, I didn't even let you speak I.. I was so annoyed with you, with myself and I-"

"and you what?"

my voice is merely audible.

"I kissed Amoura."

I hear his shaky exhale after he utters the words.

"she asked if I was alright, if I needed help and I just kissed her. I don't know why, I was just so infuriated."

My legs remain glued to the polished, stone floor, thoughts racing through my head.

"Loki, I was pissed, I was drunk, exhausted and desperate, I would've kissed anyone to prove a point, but I love you, darling I do, but you don't deserve me."

Words meant nothing to me, just trapped thoughts rushing in my mind expressed through hopeless headshakes and shaking. Before he can do anything more I just walk away to the library, not wanting to hear another word leave his mouth.

I sat on the couch, my face drained of colour and any childish hope locked inside me. The books beside me glared from the table. I had too much on my mind to read but too little morale to pull myself back up. Until the doors crashed open, welcoming my, usually, however not in this case, gentle, caring mother.

"who was it" she groans through gritted teeth fiercely.

"what."

"who was it."

her hands are glowing a soft green as she rummaged through old work.

"that's why you were crying, that filth fu-"

"mother."

I hushed softly.

"who was it Loki."

I look up at her, trauma spread across my features,

"Ali, Princess Ali, of Elfheim."

I watch my mothers anger rise as she clenches her bag.

"daughter of a-"

I sigh as my mother speaks but that slowly turns to a strangled gasp as she vanishes in a flash of light, teleportation. 

It took me a second to realise what was about to happen, but I certainly had never gotten up so quickly.