shattered : loki's story

please don't go

warnings: use of shameful language, mentions of sa, angst

LOKI'S POV

I lay in her arms for what felt like hours, however it was only a mere few minuets. My crying had stopped as her hands ran through my hair and rocked me side to side, now left with small hiccups and sniffles. My eyes burnt, I felt sick, physically and emotionally, The moment replaying over and over again in my pounding head. 

"what happened Loki?"

Mother whispered.

"are you ready to tell me yet?"

I shook my head, not being able to speak a word, every thought and sound getting strangled in my throat by the undying fear and guilt that haunted me. I tried. 

"I...."

I gasp for air.

"s..she"

"h..he"

I swallowed hard, growing frustrated with myself. 

Just speak. I tell myself. Its not that damn hard.

"m..mother.."

my voice breaks. 

"p..please"

I sob, wrapping myself around her. 

"don't go."
"please don't go."

I see her smile softly, kissing my head and brushing some hair that stuck to my wet, tearstained face.

"I'm here darling.."

she hums, unsure on what to say, being completely oblivious to the situation.

"I..im sorry."

Her brows furrow at my mumble.

"its Thor's birthday.. y..you shouldn't be here, I can sort myself out."

I choke, another wave of guilt washing over me as I scramble from the ground

Frigga chuckles.

"I got kicked out"

she laughs softly

"apparently he's too old for his mommy now"

"he's just drunk"

I reply, the clear annoyance staining my voice of my brothers comment.

"I know darling."

She hums, holding my cheek. 

"come on, you look exhausted"

I nod. I was completely drained from tonight's events, I just wanted to sleep it all off and hope it was all a dream.

Loki's bedroom.

Mother had gone to help clean up after the party, not long after I heard my brother thundering past my door, yelling and completely drunk. Hogan, Volstagg and Sif followed, Fandral not far behind them as he runs slightly to catch up.

Fandral.

He looked fine, a smile painted across his face as he playfully pushed Hogan to the side, their laughter echoing in my room. 

He then pauses beside my door, and I heard his faint call.

"give me a second, go off ill catch up!"

Fandral calls and the others continue to stumble and shout down the bedarkened corridors.

There's a gentle knock on my door and my breath hitches in my throat before I hum. 

The door slowly creeks open and Fandral steps in, turning towards me.

"I thought you loved me."

He finally says after a painful minuet of silence. 

"I honestly thought.."

His words catch in his throats and he swallows hard.

"I mean of course. The god of mischief, the tall, handsome younger prince. As if he could truly love someone!"

He laughs sarcastically before looking back up at me.

Why can't I speak. Say something Loki, Gods say something!

"Nothing is never enough for you is it?"

I shake my head over and over again, my eyes welling up.

"Fandral."

I say, my voice barley audible.

"what excuse have you got now Hm? Another lie?"

"I didn't want her on me..."

I finally manage to get out. He doesn't listen, just shaking his had from side to side.

"Fandral listen to me!"

I yell, my temper rising.

"I needed air, and some blond whore seemed to follow me out! I said no! I did I said no, over and over again. I didn't- I couldn't-"

my stomach twists at the memory.

Fandral just stands, his eyes red and his smile now faded.

"How am I meant to believe you?"

"If you don't... nobody else will."

My voice is trembling, my breathing fastening.

"please."

I beg, worry straining my usually confident voice,

"please, please. Fandral don't go.. Fandral... I need you. I love you. Fandral..."

my thoughts spin, I cant think.

"I love you..."

silence.

"please..."

my voice shatters as a sob breaks out, my hand flying to cover my mouth.

"p...please." 

I whisper.

I didn't even realise I was on the floor until I felt his presence knelt beside me.

He wraps his arms around me and I rest my head on his shoulder. He's still tense. He's still failing to believe me. But at least he's here.

For now.