The One Who Fell Ahead

Chapter 32

"I'll... I'll find time, okay?" I took a deep breath. This is hard. "Let's not talk about it..."

"I admit it. Galit ako sa kanya. Galit at nasasaktan dahil sa ginawa niya 'sayo. I've took care of you all my life, Rehl, tapos sasaktan ka lang ng niya?!..." Huminto siya. "Hindi mo man lang pinakilala sakin."

"I don't want to blame anyone for this, Ma. Especially in you, but I didn't believe in love at that time. The romantic feelings... the stares... the gestures...the butterflies in my stomach... the feeling of being complete, being full, being whole... Akala ko lilipas 'din yon. Cause I never felt that feeling in the first place. I didn't know what love feels like, Ma... Until... someone showed me, tapos hindi ako sigurado kaya iniwan ko na."

"Takot ka 'bang magmahal, Rehl?... because of me?"

"It's not because of you, Ma. I swear. Takot lang talaga akong iwan. What I felt for Acel was... overflowing.  Grabe yung nararamdaman ko sakanya, and natatakot ako na baka iwan niya ako at that time because nothing never last. Walang mananatili. At baka hindi ko kakayanin if patatagalin ko pa 'yon." I looked down. I looked at Xander who's sleeping peacefully. The wind blew his hair but hindi yun umipikto para magising siya.  "Until something happened. Pinaubaya  ko ang puso ko na gawin muna kung ano man ang tinitibo nito. I gave my all, Ma. With my full assent. Kasi nasa huli ang pagsisi... but I never regreted an inch at all."

"I'm sorry if you felt that way, Rehl... I'm sorry--"

"Ma, wala 'kang kasalanan. If it isn't you who stopped me from doing IT, I wouldn't be on this path of my life where I felt... the happiest side of me."

She didn't answer. Tahimik lang siya. 

"You know what? Let's stop this conversation. Ang corny, Ma. Nasa past na 'yon." I laughed it out. 

It's true. Nasa past na yon. No regrets. Ang cringe pakinggan pero yun talaga yung nararamdaman ko. 

 "I'm sorry, Rehl. Nalulungkot, natatakot, at galit ako, but I know it will be worse if I don't tell you the truth." Bumontong hininga siya.  "I've been blaming myself for the past years for this. I've carried this guiltiness since you had Xander... The night before I urged us to move to Singapore... I couldn't sleep dahil sa mga pangyayari. Till someone called you on your phone, natutulog ka at that time and I couldn't help myself to check who's the caller. I was shocked. Very shocked. He called so many times but hindi ko sinagot.  Nadala ako sa galit ko 'non. Kaya, I didn't gave him the chance to talk to you..."

"Ma, who was the caller?" I questioned, dahil tumutulo na naman ang mga luha niya.

I had the idea already... and hopes. Still I wanted to know.

"Until he left a message saying he wants to fix things... he wants to talk to you in person. Pero galit na galit nga ako. He explained himself. He wants to be with you. Acel wants to fix things."

[Flashback]
(Acel's Text Messages the night before Rehl and her Mom flew to SG)

Acel Tan:

Rehl, I'm sorry. Please pick up the phone.

I'm sorry

Rehl, Answer the phone, please.

Alexandra.  

Let's fix things.

Please answer my call.

I woke up. I've realized things. 

Let's meet, please.

I'll explain everything. Usual place.

I know I was wrong when I said we should drop the baby. I'm sorry, let's talk. I'll explain. 

I'm begging you. Please don't give up the baby.