Boboiboy elemental scenarios 2

new AU (fusion)

Warnings: -mention of suicide
                   -suicidal thoughts

-----------‐---------------------------------------------------------
Sori's pov:

I, Sori am very self concious.

With my developed self conciousness, I understand myself better. It's easier for me to express myself this way, and I know how to prevent a meltdown or know exactly what I capable am or not.

Useful am I right?

That was what I thought at first. But now.. I've come to love and hate it.

Yes, I understand myself better this way. It's quite helpful if you're someone who can't express yourself well like me.

Though at the same time, it's torturing me. I know and understand myself better, both the good and bad side of myself.

Which furthermore means that I know exactly how bad I am. And from what I've seen til now.. I'd say I'm no better than the one I hate.

How cruel.

I guess every ability has its drawbacks. Too bad.

Despite that, I do have something to help me feel better, or rather 'someone'.

Who that is? My dear friend Supra of course. He is such a sweetheart, too bad that most people are too blind to notice it.

We met a couple months ago, I found him nice, so I befriended him. Why wouldn't I right?

That was the right choice, he is now my dearest friend, and the one that I can peacefully vent without worrying.

Oh right! Did I mention that I'm suicidal?

Poor Supra, he has to hear about my tragic life, but it's his own fault for insisting that I tell him about it.

Surprisingly enough, I found it easy to open up to him. I first thought that it was because I felt safe around him, which is right. However, that isn't the only reason.

The other reason is that I don't see his face. Why I don't see it? He is my online friend, and my kind friend doesn't feel comfortable showing his face.

That way I won't see his pitying eyes when I open up. I will only feel half bad for burdening him with my problem.

I hate being pitied.

Everyone think that I'm sooo 'adorable' and 'innocent'. "

"Sori, the adorable and smart scientist with the perfect life! I just have to protect him!"

Just because I smile often doesn't mean that I have a happy life, let alone a 'perfect' life. My life is hell, I hate it.

And just because I'm 'adorable' and 'nice' doesn't mean that I'm weak. Because I'm not. I have survived more pain than normal people my age had.

The real Sori is selfish. He still vent to his friend despite knowing that he is burdening them, just because it feels nice to let it out or that it feels nice to have someone that cares about you enough to listen.

He isn't 'innocent' nor 'adorable'. He is broken and tired. There's nothing in this life worth for me to live. It's just surviving and I'm sick of it. I want to rest. I want to die.

Why should I live if there's no meaning? Why should I continue to suffer when I can just die and rest? Why is it that I still can't bring myself to die?

Death was never a fear of mine, but pain was. I've suffered enough, I don’t want to suffer even more if my suicide attempt fails.

The only thing keeping me alive is that stupid fear of pain and the little remaining logical hope of mine that one day I will be able to rest without dying.

But when I think about it.. it's not guarantee. It can still fail and all of my effort to stay alive would go to waste.

I think when that time comes, I will really reach my limit and commit suicide. Perhaps I could create a deadly poison without any pain to kill myself.

Maybe before I die, I would find the power to write an apology letter to my dear friend. He tried his best, but there's not much that could really change my mind.

The only thing would be.. if someone truly loved me.

I know for a fact that there are people who love me out there, including Supra. However.. his love isn't enough for me to continue.

Yes, I know that it's selfish. But I also know that Supra wouldn't choose me if something happens, because I'm just a friend.

I'm tired of being deceived by love and being a second choice.

It hurts.