OFF THE TABLE, EUPHORIA 🎦

ੈ✩‧₊˚₀₂₆ ੈ✩‧₊˚

SATURDAY 

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 2022

10:34 AM

"today we gather to remember our dearest christopher mckay. we lost our loved one tragically and are still seeking justice."

i rested my head on nates shoulder while also putting a tissue up to my eye. it was crazy, one moment im telling him how proud our grandma would be, next im watching him being lowered in a casket six feet underground. we were front row, mckays dad, twin brothers and mother. 

my dad had been on the run and police were still trying to find him. everything was shit.

i stared at the blue casket sitting on the catafalque. blue was his favorite color. his lifeless cold body. he would never get to touch a football again, let alone go to the nfl. 

"hey," nate said and wrapped his arm around me, "i love you." he whispered.

the funeral was over and it was time to lower mckays body into the ground. friends from his college football team and high school helped carry the casket. each one of them threw a flower in before shutting it. i still couldn't believe it was happening.

the ride to the graveyard was silent. it was just nate and i. we both didn't have words.

we all stood around his casket as we watched it lower into the ground. i looked up for a millisecond and couldn't believe what i saw. cassie fucking howard. being that this was my cousins funeral, i wanted to be as respectful as i could. nate saw her too. but he couldn't hold it in.

"yo what the fuck are you doing here." he said as he rushed over to her. 

"nate!" i said groggily. he looked back at me and i shook my head. "please, no." 

he sighed and walked back over to me. as they began sealing his grave, everyone started to walk away. not me. i stood there until i couldn't see the casket anymore. i wanted to make sure he was safe.

"you ready?" nate asked me. i sighed, "yeah."

i wore sunglasses to hide the puffiness of my eyes. so did nate. we just lost our best friend.

the thing with black families, at repasses, we dont do the normal eat, mourn and reminisce. we have fun, dont know why, we just do.

"are you gonna eat?" nate asked me as he handed me a plate that consisted of my favorites. cornbread, mac and cheese, collard greens, candied yams. he usually questioned the fact that i didn't eat meat but only sides. this time he didnt. 

nate was used to my family. he was used to the things we did. in fact, they loved nate. 

i took the fork from his hands and picked at the collard greens while also staring cassie down. mckays parents didnt know mckay and cassie broke up and cassie fucked nate. 

"i mean like why is she even here? she broke mckays heart and then fucking-- she"

"i dont know gwen,i dont.. but its fucked up."

"nate," roy said as he walked up to our table, "can you come sign this poster?"

"sup, gwen." troy asked me. i smiled faintly, they had it worse than me. their big brother, rode model, dead. shot by my father, their uncle.

but i couldn't take my focus off of cassie, why?

i watched nate walk over to mckays poster with troy and roy. cassie then came towards me.

it was silent for a long time, i dont even know why she thought it was okay to approach me.

"im sorry for your loss, i didnt mean for it to go this far" cassie spoke.

"excuse me?"

"look, i fucked up.. when i you know-"

"say it cassie."

"when i fucked nate." she sighed, "i um... im sorry, i truly am i wish it never happened. and then i just... i didn't move away, i hired taylor to ruin your fucking life because i was so angry nate took you back. "i told her everything about you, about elliot, about nate.. then she would tell me things she found out, like your dad."

"so my cousins dead because of you?" i yelled.

"no- i..i--i i mean yes but i didn't-"

"cassie what the fuck do you not understand? you keep fucking up your life dont fuck up mine! death is permanent! you claim you loved mckay but you fucked someone else and you got him killed because youre so fucking jealous!"

"yo, what the fuck is going on?" nate asked me as he walked over to us.

"cassies the one who's been causing all the hell in my life. she got mckay killed."

"w-what are you talking about?" nate asked me.

"tell him cassie. tell him what you did." i said sternly.

cassie looked up at nate with teary eyes.

"fine, since you won't tell him, i will. cassie says she hired taylor to come fuck with me because she hates that were together. taylor was the one who called my dad and brought him to cotillion, also, this bitch never left the country!"

"hey, whats going on?" my mom said as she came running over with troy and roy.

"cassie you should go before this shit-"

"i did it!" cassie screamed as she broke down in tears, "i killed mckay, i fucked nate, i did it all!"

everyones mouths dropped and all eyes were on her. "you happy gwen? that im the fucking villain? right, thats who i am! i fucked up!"

"honey, come with me." one of my aunts said to cassie quietly.

"unfuckingbelievable," nate spat.

"wow, that was-"

"take me home, nate. please." 

thankfully, the repass was at mckays house, only fifteen minutes from nates. i mean its not what i asked for, but it was close. i immediately ran up his stairs and into his bathroom and sat in front of the toilet ready to hurl up the small amount of collard greens i did eat. i didn't tell nate i snuck half a bottle of new amsterdam before the funeral.

"what the fuck," he began rubbing my back, "are you okay?"

"im fine nate," i said as i reached for toilet paper to wipe my mouth, "i just.. can you believe she did all of that just to get back at me?"

nate leaned against the counter with his arms folded, "i wish i could say i didnt."

"so i guess she's just gonna come back to school like nothing happened, right?"

"i wish i could say i knew."

"can you carry me to bed?" 

he nodded and picked me up to take me to his bed, "i love you gwen." nate said and kissed my forehead.

"i love you too nate," i said.