The archive of the forgotten

What about me

I hurry to the back of the bakery. "Hey fredrik, I need to leave. My brother will wake up in a minute." he nods. "you're allowed to leave Loke, your paycheck will be delivered in the mail this week so keep an eye out." "thanks for the warning, I'll keep an eye out" I walk through the streets, the sun is already shining, it shines on my face, every ray that lands on my face gives me hope when I realize I shouldn't be lingering. I speed up and arrive at our home it's ranch style house. I suppose it's an old farm it's beautiful but it could use some renovating. I try to maintain the house as much as possible but it doesn't always work, I try my best to do everything but it doesn't work, I carry the world here on my shoulders.

I take a deep breath and enter the house. I turn on the oven so it'll be on the tempature I want. I sneak into the girls room they share the biggest room. I fold some of their clothes and then I sit down on the youngest bed. "hey agnes, you need to get up" she turns and grunts "do I have to?" "Sadly yes" I sigh. Agnes is 12 and she's becoming a proper teen, I must say that I am not fond of teens. I turn around and walk to Sofia's bed, she's actually far too big to be sleeping in that size but it's too expensive and not a priority right now. The finals are these coming weeks before midsummer. I want her to do well and go to a proper university while she has been complaining about maybe wanting to do something simple with her life. To which I have fired back: "as you can see simple doesn't make you money". I wake her up. "finals today" she nods. I pick up my old nokia.

I call Einar He answers "Yes I'm awake loke" "Still on top of your class?" "Yes" "Do you think they might finance your second year?" I feel him being hestitant through the phone "they might. Hey I can't wait to see you all again on midsummer." "We can't wait either" "Okay, go to your lectures" I walk into acke's room and wake him up. Just like every morning. "hey acke, today is a free day and I'll drop you off at miss koskinen." he gets out of bed and I help him with picking and putting on clothes. My little brother is now 15 but he still has the mind of a kid.

We arrive in the kitchen, I give them a warm loaf of bread and put some english muffins in the toaster. while I proceed to bake eggs, bake pancakes and put bacon in the oven. I put it on the table, they're suprised by the amount of fresh fruit I've given them. "You need to eat well because some of us have finals" "I don't even know what I want to do after the finals." Sofia says gumpily. "You're gonna find a study you like and you will become a useful part of society" "Well, what did you do when you left school? you didn't have to study" she says while she frowns "You know well that I studied law before mom and dad needed me back here so shut you goddamn mouth" I scorn her. I'm working my ass off so they are able to get you a good start in the real world, just accept that sofia. I'm packing their lunches while they're eating. when I see that acke isn't doing okay. His tick is tense and he seems awfully quiet. "Acke you want to eat on the picnic table." He laughs so wide that the even the coldest hearts would melt. he nods "yeah, loke come me."

We are both sitting in the cold sun and looking at the fields near our house, I take a deep breath. I understand Acke this would calm me down too. After some time we are done and acke seems more relaxed. i give the others their bags and they walk to school. me and acke get the old red truck and drive towards his private teachers house. she's already waiting for us "Ah there you are acke" "We practiced this week and we're so so sorry we can't afford more. I really wish but I'm" I says to misses Koskinen, I feel guilty that I cannot afford proper care and school for Acke, I have been saving up a long time. "It's okay loke you're it's understandable" "everything seems to be getting more expensive and my salary seems to be slowly diminishing." she laughs. "well, I need to skedadle, I'll be picking him up early today" I says as I step into the truck and drive to the grocery store. I just arrived at the parking lot when i feel that I'm crying. I put my head on the steering wheel. Fuck me, I wish my life was different. I wish I was different I wish I wasn't stuck here in this fucking miniature village.

This is an older one which I am very hesitants about but anyway. loke is trying to fit in as much as he can even though everything in his life seems to go wrong, he has a brother that has problems which can't be diagnosed due to not enough medical support, his father commited suicide a little more than a year ago in a public space and loke is praying that this year midsummer will be a little more cheerfull. He is feels absolutely hopeless, he can't believe how his life has fallen apart.