The archive of the forgotten

You must serve part 3

Empress Zhu Yuzan

I find it funny how women are always painted as the villain, even when they do the exact same thing as the men. The only difference is that I have done it better and more succesfully, yes I killed those man, but I will not deny it. I might even be proud of it, I have no shame in being powerful. I have always risen above the flames of my enemies and I will not apologise for that. I might've killed thousand young boys, I might've killed the one I saw as my own son but they were all means to an end and for that I will thank them. But sitting on this throne, with my emperor's hat covering my face, with all this power at my fingertip I will not think twice if I have made the right decisions, because I have.

They should thank me, the country is twice as productive now that both of the genders work, the cases of rape have decreased, the peace has returned, there are no pending dangers anywhere in my empire. Cruelty teaches obedience, lack of emotion teaches sanity. We all know that it cannot stay like this as always, whenever you get to the place you;ve dreamed of you start fearing the inevitable fall. Because summer will always turn to winter, love turns to hate, history turns into the present, Adoration turns into hatred and power turns into death. I know that well....

I stare at the wall as she waits for an answer. I frown as I fold my white hands under my chin while thinking if we should attack and wipe out the people attacking our border or shall I have mercy for the firt time. "Your imperial majesty....we need to..." "Silence." I prick open my finger and sign it with my blood. I take a breath. "Wipe them out." I say while looking up at one of my advisors, she nods with a slight smile as she turns around. "Lixue," She turns around again. "Do not take any prisoners....." She nods.

I take off the empress hat and feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders. The weight of the young girl I once was, whom I promised would not stand by powelessly. She would decide who would get to live and die, she would be powerful. I didn't break that promise, I made her proud, I have made so many women pride, they can now feel pride for being the gender they are. I feel pride, but it makes me tired. I feel so paranoid, I feel like I am injured now that I cannot make these great changes. I feel as if I no longer need to be so cruel, but I am so frightened to lose my grip of this empire. I never thought this was easy but I thought it wouldn't be this hard. I change from my imperial colours, Red and gold into the ones I sleep in, light pink and white. I take out my bun and my long hair feels heavy as I think about things and stare at myself in the mirror. 

"Empress?" The voice of Jia li says. I look up and smile faintly at her as she walks into the room, her smile is painted by her beginning wrinkles. "Yes?" "There has been suspicious behaviour surrounding the concubine Haoran." "Simply give him the water treatment, if it doesn't stop he shall be the first to experience real corporeal punishment." I say curtly. She looks at me "Majesty, forgive me for asking but....." "what?" I ask looking at her intently. "Are you in love with chunwen?" I pause and look at her. "Do not worry about that Jia li, it is not your job to keep me in check is it now?" I ask while lifting one eyebrow. She laughs nervously and leaves the room.

"What's on your mind Fox face?" I ask while looking him in his eyes. His icy blue eyes stare back with a hopeless and resigned expression, a puzzled look of why. He must wonder who I truly am, I also wonder who he truly is. I notice a small cut on his arm and wonder how he got it.... "Nothing." He says quietly while I gently put my hand on his cheek I pretend not to see the meager tear in his eye. "Oh little fox face what is it?" I kiss him and his lips brush mine but they lack conviction. It feels almost the same as the emperor used to kiss me, without much interest, his mind is somewhere else. I look at him "Tell me, that is an order little fox." I say with a smirk. "How young was that concubine?" "What concubine?" "The one that was excecuted today, Jiao-long." I sigh and look away as I sit up. "Was he a friend of yours?" He shakes his head and sighs. "But.... what could he have done wrong?" "He did not follow the strict rules, you knew these were the consequences. He isn't much, he is just a concubine my love." I say begging him to come back to bed. He scoffs and traces his fingers over the panels of the doors while looking out of the window, the full moon illuminating his extraordinarily beautiful face. "He was nothing more than a man who gave up the little honour he had." He turns to me, a look of sadness and hatred on his face. "Yuzan, I have come to respect you. I had no idea you thought so little of us. Of me, I am really an object of your lust and an object of beauty. I had an illusion of being more." "Guangzhi, I didn't mean it like that!" He smiles "I should've known better. I have always been cocky." He says with his beautiful smiling, mocking himself. "Goodnight your imperial majesty." He says while he bows and walks out of the room.