The archive of the forgotten

the academy 2

It has been about a month and I am beginning to learn. When they're not looking we are allowed to be youth, or well...allowed is the wrong word. We simply are although it is breaking the rules. But there is this one strange thing, I have never ever had such close friends. It almost feels like we would die for eachother, that may sound cheesy and it might be, but as we're here there's this strange feeling of a common enemy.

We quietly run through the halls towards Dandy;s dorm. Dandy is hiding an electric guitar in his dorm because he doesn't care if he loses any points and ace doesn't seem to care. Once in a few weeks when the staff is running low we risk a lot by going to their dorm room and being normal teenagers for a while. If we are lucky Neil and Finn have stolen some crisps from the times they help out in the kitchen, Dandy tries to somehow get cigarette's sometimes he steals them from teachers and other times he is involved with the strange circuit of trading in the school. There is something you could call a fully fledged black market. That night Neil always plays the guitar and sings some songs, although he doesn't know many anymore he does his best. Mostly he sings "Never had no one ever" or "The headmaster's ritual" by the smiths, "Changes" or "All the young dudes" By bowie, "Rocking the casbah" By the clash or everybody wants to rule the world. It's one of thefew moments we are really happy. Especially neil, although he always has a secret smile and is compassionate as ever he never seems really happy. Except these nights.

It's funny to see how extremely terrified everyone is of the teachers but we can't help but be a little rebellious, with the bad consequences...... I have a bruise as big as a saucer on my ribs and an elongated one on my neck. Thankfully the uniform is designed to hide all evidence of abuse. Neil always tells me to keep my head down, It will only hurt more if I choose to care about others. The strange thing is, he doesn't care whether it will hurt more. He cares for others, but he has his ways of not getting caught.

That night we are sitting in the windowsill. Neil smiles, he has such an adorable smile. It's one where the sides of their mouth don't go up but seem to go down, it is incredibly endearing. "I miss my father." I say. He chuckles "They are the reason you are here. They didn't like the real version of you." He says bitterly. "Why were you sent here?" He looks down, "I don't know, it's a question most people ask themselves when they are enrolled here. I guess I was just......not good enough." "Not good enough?" I ask as I look at him. He nods "I'm not the one he wished I was, I am not....perfect enough. I am not manly enough, not arrogant enough, I am not like him and that is his biggest regret. I should've been like him. that was his plan all my life but no, I decided to be a Neil....a, a weakling." I look at the dark fields as I take a deep breath, why did my father send me away? Was I good enough?

We do the reveille the next morning. It has become habit that we wake up before dawn. I don't even need to have an alarm there seems to be an alarm built into my consiousness. We march in the habitual patterns as if we are some kind of robots programmed to do one thing and one thing only. I am beginning to forget what normal secondary school was like, it seems all so mundane now. I don't look up when a child is hit, I don't notice black eyes anymore, the firm grip of the proffesors do not hurt anymore. I have become numb.

When we are done with the reveille we march through the hallways when I see some boys lingering, whispering about something. Ace tries to see what the boys are looking at but he isn't tall enough, Finn drags Neil towards us, as Neil and Dandy are the tallest ones, neil is a bit taller but you hardly notice. Neil smiles as he tries to see what the boys are whispering about and all of a sudden his smile fades, it slowly relaxes into an expression of pure horror and desperation. "What do you see?" Finn asks but Neil doesn't answer, he is standing there, like he's frozen his normally proud, muscular and tall body all of a sudden resembles that of a far younger person, a far smaller person who is scared of something. I wonder what he's seeing.