The archive of the forgotten

Nothing to feel

Envy, one of the few things I allow myself to feel. Something wonderful. You might ask yourself why Envy would be beautiful. Well, it is a wish to be like you. To be human, it is the only way I feel the thing I long to feel. My mouth paints a smile as I stroke the kitten I needed to collect. I smile as I look at a toddler experiencing their first walk on this world. And a father so proud, so happy. The smile is bittersweet. This sight would light up my day as always but I have never had a father, I have never had a child. I wish to, but it is a silly wish, and I am wise enough to know that.

I sit down on the bench, waiting for him. The Young men walks up to me, he smiles and tilts his head. "You look happy today." He says while he sits down and takes out his bun. His black locks fall on his shoulders. "A kitten" He exclaims and pets it. "Eitan, I did not expect you back this early." Eitan chuckles. "I just wanted to talk to you, nothing more. at least this time." I nod, "You know I can and will never have an answer to your question." He looks at me, his dark eyes seem to smile even if you wouldn't see his lips. "I am perfectly aware sir. I am not here for questions." "Than why am I here?" I ask doing my best to form my tired eyes and lips into a smile. "I thought you could use a hobby." He open his backpack and takes out a bottle of wine, a notebook and a book. "I do not have the time Eitan. I have too much work." "All of them say that, stupid adults." He says with a chuckle as he lights his cigarette. "Your mother used to call cigarettes the small creeping death." He chuckles. "Are you sure she did not mean the french little death?" I frown what does he mean with french little death. I will look that up. "You will find time to do it." He says. "My favourite book, A picture of Dorian gray it is about eternal youth and so so much more! Than we have an easy wine for you mister D, it is villa antinore, I basically grew up with that wine." I take the book and the bottle, "Eitan, why....I" "Last time you seemed sad. I wanted to try and make it better Mister D." "You don't have to Eitan." "But I would like to." he says as he smiles."And I want to show me my other side." He says while looking down, probably ashamed of something. Humans are so easily ashamed when they aren't like other people. I want to know why. Why can't they accept their own beauty?

"This here is the most special gift I have" Eitan. He given me the notebook I let my old hand trace the cover seemingly made by hand. An d knowing Eitan it will be most likely made by him. "I made the leather cover myself, I even made the paper. I bound it, it's all handwork." He smiles, the lights in his eyes look like fireworks on new year's eve. I smile as I open the book and let my hands feel the rough paper. He smiles as I look at the first page. There it says in a beautiful handwriting. "To mister D, a toast to mystery. write your heart out, live a little." Eitan looks at me with a smile. I am speechless I don't know how to thank him. "No need to thank me dear." He says. "I need to go back to work Eitan." I say as I stand up and turn around.

"Mister D?" "What is it Eitan?" "Could you give this to her?" He says as he hands me a letter. I am confused as I look down. "Which her Eitan" But when I look up he is already walking. He is too far to hear it.

After a long day of work I look at the letter. No adress, no name. Which she does he mean? Does he mean his mother. I take a deep breath would taking a quick peek hurt? I know humans value their privacy but it can't do any harm right?

I open the letter and am surprised by the first sentence

Dear Mister D,

I knew that if I would've said this to your face you would have dismissed it. And I also know you would not have taken a letter adressed to you. So this seemed like the easiest way of knowing you'd read it. All of that aside.

I wanted to thank you Mister D, for everytime you decided that it wasn't my time yet. All those times you were merciful, You are kind mister D even though I have cursed you more than I could even count. I am glad you let my mother go as she did. I am glad my father went without suffering. But most of all I wanted to thank you for being there for me at all times. Soothing me when life was too much, I remember your comforting cold embrace. I must say that I would have never thought I would become friends with you the first time I met you. You seemed so, frightening. But I have learned and you are so much more kind than anybody ever knows of believes. I am glad that I can call this strange phenomenon that is you my friend. And I hope you are happy to call me your friend mister D. Because you seem awfully lonely.

thank you and Till we meet again

Kindest Regards,

Eitan .G.G.C.N.D.A.L.A.A.E.L.A (Hope I forgot none)

I feel a tear on my face It feels strange to cry, because I shouldn't be able to. To cry is to be alive and I am Death.

This is just a scene I wanted to write but I could always make it a book really. I was heavily inspired by _Ash_es letters to my feelings