The archive of the forgotten

You Must serve part two

A lot has changed since I was chosen to be the imperial concubine, it has been about a month, I am followed by whispers and stares, or women asking for various favours. Which always is to be answered with the same sentence. "You would have to ask permission from our imperial majesty." No eye contact, unless I am being told so when I am accompanying Empress Zhu. It is simple, bow, smile, nod your head, approve agree. And never, I repeat never, question the will of a woman. I look at the portrait hanging in my room, the flowers leave a scent in my room and the milky windows let the hesitant evening sun shine on my face, I grab a flower and admire it's fragility. The door opens "Chunwen, you are called for duty." I nod slightly and put the flower back in the vase.

I look at her face. I understand the tales about her when she was still a concubine, they said birds would forget how to fly and fall out of the sky seeing her face. She has extraordinary beauty, but also something frigtherning about her, something sinister. Perhaps that is simply my knowledge of the things she might've done. Her eyes are studying my face, strangely lovingly, her elegant hand caressing my bare skin. "You look beautiful." She says, "Thank you empress Zhu." She smiles and slightly tilts her head, the silk of the bed making a slight sound. "What are you wonder young Guangzhi?" She asks with a soft smile, I chuckle look down and shake my head. I would never dare to ask such a question. "I insist fox face." She says, almost ordering me to say it. I take a deep breath, "I wonder if the rumours about you are true. If you really are such a ruthless, hateful woman, or if you were.......unhappy." "Who says it can't be both" She says with a smirk, like an animal before finally eating it's prey after having played with it for a while. "No, in all seriousness," She says before passionately kisses me "Guangzhi, I am you. So you would have to ask yourself the question. Are you unhappy?" she says fiiddling with my hair, holding my head close to hers. I smile, not knowing the answer, afraid to realise I am not but I respond with:"Of course not your imperial majesty." I respond. "My name is Yuzan, guangzhi. Dare to say it. Any more questions young fox?" she asks me with a slightly askew smile. "What caused the scars on your back Yuzan?" I say with a smile. Her smile fades slowly, "Being a concubine." I feel guilty as I see a slight tear in her eye as she stands up from her bed. "You should probably go." "Yes your imperial majesty." I respond, bowing my head and immediately standing up and putting my clothes

I would've never predicted that a life of a concubine is so exhausting. Chenliang and I are walking to the concubine square, it is in the middle of the concubine quarters and it is the middle of the social life of us concubines, here we sit if it is sunny or warm, we dance everyday, the women come here to admire us and somtimes to look if they would want to buy one (yes we can be sold). But it is also the way to socialise with the others, as we are obligated to do that, it a great place to arrange tea meetings and other things. Concubines are expected to be productive both day and night, well, that is if you have a mistress that likes you, otherwise you will get your good night's sleep everyday. We are object of virtue and beauty, we must embody that, so you don't sit around the whole day, you garden, play musical instruments, sing, dance embroider, paint, write or read. We have better lives than most people in the country, but we will always see the worst aspects of our lives. Chenliang and I step onto the square, the sun shines in our face binfing us for a second. It shows the white robe, jacket and skirt is not really white but the lightest colour pink I have ever seen. We arrange ourselves and as the people who are the ones who must arrange begin to play as we begin to dance. I enjoy dancing, the elegance is beautiful and I can stop thinking for just a second. After the dancing Chenliang drags me along to socialise. I look at the balcony the women use to look at us and scan for faces I know, I am aware it's not likely but perhaps my mother has....... Stop it Guangzhi, thinking like that only hurts you. But what I do see is giggling young girls pointing at me. I wonder what they are saying and smile slightly. Another beautiful concubine walks up to me, his make up quite, exquisite with gold details with his the traditional red. I smile "You are Chunwen right?" He asks while slightly bowing and cupping his hand, I follow his lead. "That is indeed my name, What is yours?" "Haoran, nice to meet you. Have you heard?" "Heard what?" "You know they sell our portraits?" "Of course I know, I am not completely clueless." "They sold a lot of yours, they say young girls are putting them in their bedrooms and that mother's do it too." I chuckle, "I am sure they are just exaggerating." He points at the balcony "Who do you think those girls are looking at?" I look at the girls and their eyes meet mine. "You are too kind Haoran," I say while walking away but he grabs my wrists. "You are beautiful Chunwen, beauty is power." he whispers.