The archive of the forgotten

the stage of life

I look into the bright spotlight, the emotional look on my face could fool anyone. Of course it should, I haven't been accepted into one of the most prestigious theatre school in the world for nothing. I reach out my hand to the white light illuminating my face. "And how could I be frightened by something so comforting?" My character says, his voice breaking. "How could you ask me to fear it?" He says to his on stage father, also known as my best friend. "Father, I do not know how you cannot see it the way I do. You are dying, yes, but slowly, you are not sick. Just old, like any human is supposed to be. Can't you remember the days we used to be happy father? The first time I wrote a play for you? The first time we discovered I was in remission, my brain tumour doesn't change the joy we've had. It only makes the days I have got left sweeter dad. I don't want to cower for my untimely ending when I can choose to live fully for one year. One year is enough, we can remember father" I say as I grab the hands from my father. "I just don't understand why you do not want to fight." My father (best friend says).

I sigh and look into the lights "Father, when you and mum decided to divorce, it was simply because you were tired. I am tired, not of living, but I am tired of fighting. there is not even an enemy, I cannot face cancer and punch him in the face, even if I would want to Father. It is a battle I will lose, be it early or be it later on. I am dying father and I intend to die happily." I say with a smile. "I promised to keep you safe." he says. "Than let me go." I say with fake tears in my eyes. There's a silence before he hugs me tightly and the lights go out.

We swiftly go into the wings and I quick change into a hospital gown. "I have such a massive headache" I whisper to Wyatt. "Suits your role" He says as he chuckles. "Do you feel old then?" I ask. I lay down in the hospital bed and they roll it onto the stage. Wyat, or my father, holds my hand as he delivers one of his last lines. "I wish it could have been different Emmet" He says. I smile bittersweetly. "I have been happy dad." and I kiss my hand. "I'll be fine. Just try to remember" I say and the lights on the rest of the stage dim, only one spotlight shines on me, I step out of the bed.

"There's no white light at the end. There's no sense of a god pulling you towards you. No, I simply floated away from my body. I kissed my father on his head and wished him well, I floated over my childhood home, I floated over my old highschool and even college." Tears are running down my face, I am not sure whether it is the headache of my acting. I am trembling full of emotion. "I remembered everything I was taught and more than I could wish. I wish I was the one who could carry on his legacy but I have chosen what was right for me." I blink my eyes, it's like I have black spots in my vision. I can hardly see the spotlight, but I refuse to quit. "I remembered, my father and his love. I hope that is the same that he will see when he dies. I love him." I don't know why but the stage seems to start to turn. I try my best not to lose my balance. "Tilll I see you again, dad. In the nothingness." I say.

I cannot see anymore, but I hear the audience applauding. I feel Wyatt hand in mine as we get ready to bow. I whisper. "I cannot see Wyatt." "What do you mean Holden?" He says as he pulls me forward and we take a deep bow with a bright smile. "I mean exactely that." I say with my teeth clenched. "I am going to fall." I say to Wyatt. "What do you...." But before he can finish I hear a gasp from the audience and feel the familiar floor of the stage.

"A brain tumour." I say emotionlessly while I look at the doctor and chuckle. "How ironic." I say while I nod my head. I don't pay attention while the woman tells me the treatment plan. I only think about the words I said and if they could be true for me. Do I want to fight? My parents are nodding and crying while they listen to the doctor. "What if you don't treat it?" I ask. My parents walk up to me. "Holden what are you saying?" My mother says. "You need time to think about that sort of stuff Holden, you can't just refuse treatment." "Legally I can right?" I say to the Doctor. She nods, "Why would you do that to us?" My mother whines. "It's my life" I respond angrily. "But you have so much to live for." My father says. "Fine." I say and lay down my head. "You decide what'll happen to me.....Because you know what I want right." My father sighs but still tells the doctor that we'll be going for the chemotherapy.

When my parents are getting coffee. Wyatt enters the room. "I am sorry that I thought you were just saying strange stuff." I smirk. "I normally do right? And how would it be possible to give such a stellar performance with a brain that isn't fuctioning correctly." "Let's punch cancer in the face." he says with a smirk. "I don't know, I do not know if I am as brave as all those people we see on television. Or we read about. Maybe I will just give up." Wyatt smiles kindly. "Well, if you ever give up, wait for me in the nothingness."