Wicked Souls

06

I sobbed as I moved closer to him and my head planted into his chest as a sense of comfort and safety.

He is caught by surprise when I suddenly cling to him, the sensation of my body pressing against him causing him to freeze up for a moment. His body language changes from a calm, neutral stance to a gentle, compassionate one. He wraps his arms around me, offering me comfort and relief from the emotional intensity I am experiencing, knowing that I need it. 

I kept crying as my hands were placed on his back and tears fell down my pale flesh. 

His heart breaks as he watches me crying and breaking down in his arms. He can sense my intense emotions and it is clear that I need a shoulder to cry on and someone to comfort me. He holds me tightly, wanting to provide me with all the protection and warmth he can right now. He does not want to see me hurting or in pain, so he continues to hug me, hoping that I will find some type of peace.

After a while, it had been thirty minutes. I finally calmed down after my breakdown, I sat in my chair opposite him, tissues in my hands as I glanced over at him feeling a sense of safety and trust. 

He is relieved that I have calmed down, realising that the intensity of those emotions was quite powerful and difficult to handle. When I look over at him, he sees that he has gained my trust, a positive outcome and one that he hopes will lead to more positive interactions in the future. He waits for me to continue the conversation, wanting to hear what I say and what I have on my mind. 

I wiped my eyes with the tissues, I just looked down and didn't have any more to say.

The silence is almost deafening and he can see I am unsure of how to proceed. He understands that my emotions are likely still a bit raw and that I may need time to fully process what just happened. He does not want to push me into a conversation that I am not ready for. 

He waits patiently for my next move, wanting to be as accommodating as possible and hoping that he has gained my trust enough so that I will feel comfortable talking with him moving forward. 

 I took a deep breath realising that I should open up to him, he is here to help me feel better. I was scared at first because I've never told anyone about my life until now "My Mom hates me because I'm just like my Dad,".

His body language becomes more concerned as he listens to me. He is saddened by the fact that my mother felt such a strong dislike for me and that it seems like it has caused me a lot of heartache and pain. He is glad that I am beginning to open up to him and share with him some of my personal details, thinking that this represents progress in my healing process.

"My Dad had a strong horrible thought he wasn't happy, he always wished for death. Before he died... The day... My Mom said some cruel things and he took his own life, this was before I was born, she was pregnant with me. I look like my Mom with blonde hair and pale skin however I guess I took my Dad's mental health, sounds silly. But she hated me for that, she wanted me to be perfect,".

He feels a sense of sadness as he listens to my words. He cannot imagine how horrible it must have been for me to grow up with a mother who hated me for factors that were absolutely out of my control. He feels an immense amount of empathy for me situation and he wishes that my mother would have accepted me for who I am rather than hating me for things that I could not control.

I looked at him "She brought me to this place to punish me, she broke me. She is the devil,".

He is shocked by how I have described my mother. He is horrified by the notion of a mother punishing her own child. He cannot imagine the emotional abuse that I most likely experienced and how much pain it must have caused me.

He feels a mix of sadness, anger and concern for me as he watches me break down like this. He is unsure how to respond without triggering me further.

"Now how will you fix me? I am not fixable,".

He feels uneasy with my statement and the defeatist attitude I am displaying. He knows that I do not believe I can be fixed and he wonders how to tackle that belief and try to prove me wrong. He needs to try and be delicate with my situation, knowing that any words he chooses could possibly be perceived as an attack or insult. He knows that it will take some time for him to be able to repair that damage from my past, but he wants to put in the effort to at least try. 

I was starting to feel uneasy because of him not speaking.

Upon noticing the subtle change in my demeanour, he quickly realises that he needs to start speaking. He did not intend for his silence to make me feel uneasy, he was just trying to get his thoughts in order. He finally speaks, his voice taking on a soothing, tender one. 

"This is going to take time... And the first step is going to require you to trust me. I know it will not be easy and there may be times of struggle and difficulty, but I will guide you through this and we will reach a place of healing,". 

I just nodded trying to take in his words before I looked at him "You didn't tell me your name... If I need to trust you, I need to know that," I said quietly as I fidgeted with my fingers.

His face softens a bit when I ask him about his own personal information. He realises that I have a point and he sees how his trustworthiness can be diminished without sharing such details about himself. He nods his head and replies with a hint of a smile on his face.

"My name is Isaaq Harrow. Dr. Isaaq Harrow,".