Wicked Souls

05

The next day, I was brought into his office for my appointment.

He is sitting at his desk, writing up some notes from my session on the day prior. He notices that I am being brought back into his office and he looks at me with a look of concern. I look slightly different today and he is unsure whether I am happy to be with him or not. He keeps writing up some notes, making sure that he is completely prepared to handle whatever happens during my session today.

I just look at him and then at his notes, I bite the inside of my cheek.

He looks over at me and notices that I am biting the inside of my cheek, a habit that he has seen me do on multiple occasions. He is concerned for me, wanting nothing more than to help me get out of this state of pain and suffering that I am in. He nods his head slightly, hoping that the action will be enough to get me to stop biting the inside of my own cheek.

I looked away then at the security guards who were standing in the room as I said quietly "I am not dangerous,".

His face softens as my words sink in. He realises that I am feeling a bit apprehensive and scared of their presence, likely triggered by my prior aggressive encounter. He shifts his body language, trying to give me a sense of comfort.

"They are here to protect you and ensure your safety. They may seem a bit intimidating but it is their job to protect your well-being,".

I said quietly "I don't want them here,".

He understands my request, and he looks over to the guards, motioning for them to step outside and leave the room for the duration of the session. They hesitate briefly but they realise that it is important for me to feel comfortable during this therapy session, so they eventually agree to step outside. He turns back to me, offering a gentle, calming smile.

I looked at him but said nothing.

He watches my face, observing my silence. He knows that therapy sessions sometimes involve periods where the person does not speak, but he wants to try to engage me in conversation as much as possible. He leans forward in his chair and speaks, aiming to ease the tense atmosphere. 

"Is there anything you want to tell me... Or perhaps anything you would like to talk about?"

I glanced at him and then stared behind him.

He follows my gaze and looks behind himself. He is slightly puzzled by my staring and he wonders if there is something that is distracting me or if I am trying to avoid making direct eye contact. He stays silent for a few moments, waiting to see if I say anything else. 

"You were supposed to help me out but you let them hurt me," I looked back at him.

He feels a wave of guilt wash over him and he is suddenly unsure of what to say. His expression softens as he looks back at me and he realises that he did in fact, fail to protect me from the harsh treatment that the guards and workers gave me. His body language seems to loosen as if he is trying to convey that he feels bad about that.

"You said that I was safe in your hands but Im not you are all the same," my voice heightens. 

His body language becomes more alert and concerned as the volume of my voice increases. He realises how upset I am and he wants to try to calm me down before it goes too far. His tone switches back to a gentle one as though he is trying to comfort a child. 

"It's not fair, I don't belong here," I looked at him as tears filled in my eyes.

He notices how sad and defeated my expression has become and it breaks his heart to see me in this state. He nods his head and listens, acknowledging my feelings are valid. He also wants to respond to what I just said but he is unsure of a way to properly address this without upsetting me even further. 

I burst out in tears as I moved the chair back and looked up at the ceiling. 

When I start to cry, his body language immediately changes. His tone becomes more comforting and sympathetic, he is instantly concerned for me. He wishes that he could just reach out and comfort me but he knows he has to stay in his chair. He does not want to cross any boundaries that I have set up but he wishes that he could just hug me right now. 

I kept crying as I got up and wanted to leave "Let me leave,".

He is suddenly struck by the intensity of the situation. He watches as I want to leave but his mind is racing with a million thoughts. He wants to let me go but he thinks I am running because of my anger, sadness and frustration. He worries that I may hurt myself or attempt something worse if he just lets me run away. He gets up from his chair and steps in front of me, blocking my path.

"Let me leave please," I begged while crying. 

He is torn between my request to let me go and his need to protect me and ensure my safety. He is unsure whether this is an act of anger and frustration or a true attempt to just leave the situation. His heart breaks as I continue to beg and cry, but he still cannot let me go. He cannot risk the consequences of doing so.

I sobbed as I looked at him and my breathing dropped, becoming more of a struggle to catch my breath. 

The sight of me sobbing and struggling to breathe strikes fear into his heart. He knows that he cannot let me walk out of here while I am going through this intense. The sudden change in my breathing is concerning and he is worried about the state that I am currently in. He reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder, trying to offer some type of comfort as he waits for my breathing to normalise.