Wicked Souls

14

Days later, it was my 19th birthday. I sat in my room, isolating myself from everyone.

It is my 19th birthday and I am isolated in my room, it appears as if I am not in the mood for celebration. I have my drawing book in my lap as I feel a sense of emptiness inside of me. It seems as if this is going to be a rather bleak celebration considering my current state of mind. I sit there and I wonder what the point is of celebrating such a momentous occasion when it seems like nothing matters in my life. I just feel numb and emotionally drained.

I was getting irritated, I threw my book across my room.

The sudden outburst and my action of throwing the book across the room captures my emotional state. The anger and irritation that I have been feeling bubbles over and I simply snap. I feel powerless as my emotions get the better of me. I toss the book across the room as it hits the wall and bounces back onto the floor on the opposite side. I feel like punching the wall, and I am ready to let my anger and fury out on anything that gets in my way.

I started to mentally break down, I started to cry and smack my thighs.

My breakdown gets progressively worse as my emotions reach a boiling point. I start to cry uncontrollably and I begin to slap my thighs over and over again, hoping that the pain it causes will help relieve the frustration and anger that I feel inside. It is as if there is no way to relieve all the stress and tension that I am going through. I am simply reaching my limit and I am at the very edge of breaking down completely.

I kept crying, I slowly got up off my bed and walked out of my room, I walked along the hallways slowly, I had tears down my face. I slowly made it to Harrow's office and knocked gently.

Harrow had spent the past few days making regular check-ins on me, but he had noted no improvement in my behaviour or demeanour. He was planning on coming back to check on me later in the evening when I knocked gently on his door and interrupted his current train of thought.

"Come on in." He yelled through the door. When I opened the door, he looked over at me and noticed immediately that something was off. He could see the wet stains of my tears on my cheeks and he could visibly see how my eyes were reddened.

"Please, I want to stop hearing these voices. Please make it stop," I cried out to him.

Harrow's heart breaks as he listens to my plea. At this point, it is clear that something has happened to me that has re-triggered all those demons that I've tried to bury. He gets up from his chair and he moves towards me.

"Come here, let me hug you," Is all that he says as he gently wraps his arms around me pressing my body against his.

I kept hugging him, I cried out. I held onto his body.

Harrow holds me tightly as he feels my body tremble and my sobs begin to echo throughout the entire room. My grip on his body is so tight as though I refuse to let go, the thought of not having his support right now is simply unimaginable to me. He feels a surge of pain inside as he watches me break down and regress. His arms tighten around me and he just lets me cry as I desperately hold onto him.

I sobbed as I started to speak.

His arms stay wrapped firmly around me as he lets me speak. He knows that keeping silent right now and letting me express myself with minimal interruption is the best strategy right now. He simply listens to me as I start to speak, he hopes for me to say whatever it is to alleviate the overwhelming buildup of emotions that I have suppressed for so long.

"'Angel' she calls me. Does she know that I'm falling? From a precipice that I tripped off long ago? 'You're so pure' she says. Does she know, I'm forsaken? The original sinner. But soon you'll know," I spoke quietly while crying. 

His heart beats a little faster as I continue to speak quietly. My words are quiet but they hold so much pain and rage. He listens closely to every word I speak and he tries to decipher what I am talking about. There is a lot of symbolism and imagery of falling and sin that is being said. It is almost as if I have done something or there is something in my life that is haunting me or affecting me. He doesn't want to interrupt me though, he is simply going to wait until I finish speaking. 

"When she stole my virtue. I'm glad it seems to serve you. That I was born a daughter and not a son," I finished speaking. 

He listens closely as my speech comes to an end, every sentence that I speak carries so much emotional pain and suffering. He is almost at a loss for words as he is left confused by my words. Who is this man who took something from me and stole my virtue? He feels a wave of anger wash over him and he feels his heart beat even faster. He is trying his hardest to try and understand what I am saying right now, but he is simply left with so many questions.

"Who is it that has done this to you?! Who has harmed you and taken from you in such a vile way?!" Harrow finally speaks up, his voice carries a hint of concern and anger as he wants to find out who has caused me such pain and suffering. His grip tightens around my body as he waits for me to respond. 

I looked up at him, tears fell down my face. 

I looked into his eyes.

"My Mom,".