Wicked Souls

07

I just nodded.

He continues to hold his smile, taking that act of trust from me as a good sign. He is now hoping that I will continue the conversation and that he has broken my walls of defence and trust enough to feel comfortable talking again. He remains silent now, waiting for me to open up a little more and begin the next step of my healing process.

I sighed and looked into his eyes with a soft look "None of my other family knows I'm here they think I am at some boarding school, I have an older brother, he's called Beau. We used to be inseparable when we were younger but ever since we've grown up and the hate towards my Mom showed to me instead of him, we just grew apart,". 

Harrow listens intently as I speak, processing what I have just said and deciding how to respond. The notion of me being isolated is concerning and he also feels sad that the relationship with my brother has faded. He wants to explore this further with me and try to understand the source of why I have been cut off from my family.

I started to get upset again "I don't know why people don't love me...".

Harrow's heart breaks when he hears my pain and emotions come through as I speak. He feels a deep heartache for my current state of feeling isolated and unloved. His manner of speaking becomes kind and compassionate as he attempts to ease my distress.

"You are wrong, people do love you. It's just that your family and the people around you have not given you the support and love that you deserve. But I am here to show you that love, I want to try and make you better and prove that you are worth it,".

"It doesn't feel like it," I spoke before I sighed.

Harrow can see that I am still feeling low and pessimistic and he cannot blame me because of my experience. He wants to prove to me that this is different and that he will not abandon me or treat me with cruelty. He wants to build up my confidence and break through the walls that I have built around myself. He remains silent, waiting for my next words.

I looked at him "In your sessions, how are you going to help me?" I was curious.

He notices my curious tone and he realises that I have plenty of questions about this process. He understands my desire to understand what he has planned and what the process entails. He answers me in a patient yet compassionate manner. 

"I am going to focus on helping you get past the source of trauma that you have been experiencing, I want you to take time with me to start exploring all of the issues and underlying wounds that you carry within you. I want to be able to help you heal and repair the damage that has been done,".

I just nodded "When will those sessions start?"

Harrow is aware that I may be eager to begin therapy and healing, especially after the intense emotions I have experienced during the meetings. He realises that he has not shared a lot about the plans with me, but he has a rough idea of his plan of action. He speaks reassuringly when he answers me.

"I would like to start our first session next week. It may be a good idea to have some time to process this initial meeting and how you are feeling right now, as well as to prepare yourself for the days ahead,".

"So you want me to express myself right now?" I said softly.

He nods his head and smiles gently.

"That is correct. I want you to have the time to express your thoughts and emotions, without feeling obligated to be forced into the next part of the process. I know that the events that have occurred in your life have caused a lot of emotional damage and I want you to feel comfortable enough to truly open up and be able to share everything with me,".

I looked down and exhaled as I started to bite my nails "But I've said everything to you,".

Harrow notices my behaviour and realises that I am feeling uneasy and a little bit overwhelmed. The intensity of these past events still has a grip on me and he knows it will take time for me to truly express myself and feel comfortable here. He remains silent as he watches me bite my nails, waiting for me to regain my composure. 

After a few moments, I stopped biting my nails as he spoke softly. 

"You only told me a little bit. I want you to share everything with me, no matter how tough it may feel. You are safe here and you have the right to share what is heavy upon your mind and heart. Do not keep these feelings to yourself, as they will only fester and build up. You have the strength within you to express what has happened and to open up and begin our healing process,".

I looked over at him "Fine, you win. I feel robbed, I feel lonely and empty. I lost my Dad before I was born and my Mom hates me however my brother looks more like my Dad than I do but she favourites him. Even though I am the double of my Mom, she hates me. And then I feel so dead inside where I don't know...". 

I started to get upset "If I want to kill myself or survive in this horrible world I live in,".

Harrow's heart breaks upon hearing my words. He can hear the pure anguish and sorrow in every fibre of my being, and he is overwhelmed with deep emotions as he processes what I am saying. When I finish speaking, he looks at me with a sympathetic and kind look, not wanting to see me in so much pain. He is unsure how to respond, wanting to keep that open connection with me rather than speaking prematurely and saying the wrong thing. He remains silent, letting me express more of my thoughts. 

"I am not crazy. I am not sick in the head. I was put in here because I am not the perfect child that my Mom wanted. She wanted a daughter who would love to join her at Church, and who had good grades. But I'm not that,".

He nods his head in understanding, knowing full well that my mother's actions were unjust and cruel. He is now starting to understand the scope of my trauma and it is clear that my mother did not just fail me but she actively contributed to my negative perception of myself. His expression becomes concerned and he speaks with a tone of understanding and empathy.

"You are not crazy and you are not sick in the head. Your mother has simply failed you as a parent and she has taken away your right to feeling accepted and loved,".

I started to cry "It's not fair...".

He sees the tears in my eyes and can feel my pain and sadness. Your words bring him an overwhelming wave of compassion in more than just words. He gets up from the chair and walks over to me, bending over and wrapping his arms around me in a tender and gentle hug. He wants me to know that I am heard and cared for and he wants to be the one to provide me with the love and support that my mother has deprived me of. 

I sobbed into his embrace and my hands tugged onto his shirt. 

Harrow lets me hold onto him for as long as I need. He lets the embrace continue, knowing that I need this comfort to ease the inner trauma that I have been experiencing. He rubs my back gently and whispers words of love and comfort into my ear as he wraps his arms tightly around me. He wants me to cry as long as it takes, his shoulder is there for me to be my shelter so I can let everything out without worry of judgement or abandonment.