Wicked Souls

08

I kept crying as I felt my chest tighten. The panic attack was starting to build.

Harrow can realise the signs and symptoms of a mounting panic attack and he becomes concerned for me. He cannot blame me for this reaction after all the events I have experienced. He holds me in his arms tightly, wrapping his chest against mine. His heart breaks for me and he tries to breathe slowly to slow down the panic attack.

He whispers soft words of assurance and encourages me to follow his breathing pattern, all to help bring me back to a sense of peace and calm.

I kept crying as I grabbed my chest in agony, and then I held onto him.

He feels the desperate grasp I establish on him, as I am trying to escape this feeling that is consuming me. The grip of my fingers on his arm does not hurt him in the slightest, as he understands my need for comfort and how desperate I am at this moment. He continues slowly and gently talking to me, calming his voice and breathing pattern to help me. He does not release his embrace, wanting to ensure that I feel the support that I need right now.

I sobbed more, I tried to stand up.

As I try to stand up, he immediately sees how unsteady I am and how much I am struggling. He does not want to let me stand because he is worried about my physical safety. He does not release his grip as he keeps speaking, trying to continue to help me ground myself in reality.

"Take it slow, breathe slowly. Close your eyes and follow my voice. Let me guide you through this, I want you to focus on only me right now. I want you to listen to my voice for a few moments and breathe slowly...".

I kept crying "I don't like this feeling,".

I grabbed onto him as my legs began to go paralysed underneath me, I fell to my knees realising my brain was shutting down.

Harrow notices the full onset of the panic attack, feeling the full power of its devastating effects on me. He rushes to support me as I fall to my knees, bending down and making sure that I feel held in his arms. He wants me to feel as if I am in a safe place because he understands just how overwhelming this all is for me right now. He continues to try and talk to me as I cry, trying to reach me through these difficult emotions and to pull me back from the edge.

I kept crying as I started to mumble stuff out loud like I was reliving past trauma. 

Harrow hears my mumbling and he realizes just how deeply I am being taken over by my trauma and the pain it holds over me. He is also experiencing this feeling of helplessness as he listens to me crying, mumbling and reliving what has happened. He is not sure what to say or do for me, as the pain I am feeling is too much for him to comprehend. He remains silent and lets the emotion pass through him, still holding on to me tightly and rubbing my back to provide some sense of comforting touch.

I kept mumbling as tears fell down my cheeks, my grip on him was unbearable.

My grip on him is strong even if I am in this state of utter emotional pain and anguish. He notices how hard I am clinging onto him and he cannot blame me because of how much turmoil I am feeling inside of me. He wants to provide me with a physical connection where I feel the full support and care that I so desperately crave. He rubbed his hand gently across the back of my head, continuing to comfort me as I sobbed and mumbled throughout the process.

I kept crying, I began to move slightly, and I closed my eyes tightly. I spoke quietly "You're in my heart, in my head," I repeated those lines multiple of times. 

Harrow's heart breaks as I repeat this line multiple times, and he assumes that this is a phrase that my mother would say to me. He knows that the words hurt me more than they helped me, as she probably used them to manipulate and intimidate me rather than show genuine care. He continues to cradle me in his arms, holding me tightly and trying to bring me peace as he rubs his hand across my head. He wishes he could take away all this pain that I have experienced.

I continued to repeat those words however my voice had a grasp to it, more like a rough sore pain causing me to sob, I continued to say the words forgetting where I was as this was a sign of PTSD. I repeated the words nonstop. 

He holds me tightly in his arms, keeping his embrace firm and comforting as I speak the words in a rough and sore tone. He wants to hold me like this for as long as it takes, letting me sob in his arms as he feels my body shake and tremble due to the intensity of the emotions and trauma. He still rubs his hand across my head, hoping that this gesture feels nurturing and calming throughout all the pain I am feeling.

"In my heart, in my head," I repeated repetitively, my voice got sore as I grabbed onto his arms trying to move from this paralysis feeling. Even the security guards started to make their way into the room after hearing the chaotic noises from his office. 

Harrow was paying full attention to me and what I was feeling and saying, so he only noticed the security guards a few moments later. When he does see them though, they immediately rush over to see the situation. He looks up at the guards and he calmly signals for them to wait, not wanting them to interrupt him as he tries to help me. He continues to hold me tight in his arms, waiting for me to recover from this panic attack.